It is necessary for colleges and universities to do more for their students’ job preparation. Do you agree or disagree?
Sentiment is divided whether it is necessary for colleges and universities to do more for their students’ job preparation. I stand against proponents of the view that job preparation for collegians is vital demand of colleges and universities. The first reason is that people have access to information of employment on the Internet without difficulty. The other reason is that people deal with their job preparation alone with online assistance.
Fundamentally, The Internet makes access to employment information readily available. Legitimately, what the opposing side argues may seem to have a point. Their assertion is that information on the Internet has some trustworthy issues. Also, the few things they cite as the reasons is that the Internet is a medium on which anonymity is guaranteed.
They cite a few things as the reasons for their argument. Some of their assertions may appear valid. Still, their supporting is mostly groundless and barely convincing. In point of fact, countless pieces of evidence discredit their viewpoint. Among them, my personal experience can demonstrate why people enjoy access to job preparation via the Internet.
While in college, my days were hectic. The culprit was cut-throat competition for employment. It was crucial for me to serve as an intern and obtain various job certifications. Sometimes, getting job information in college was not enough for me. Therefore, I enrolled in a variety of affordable online lectures whenever I felt I was falling behind in fierce employment competition. The Internet also allowed me to expand my knowledge beyond what I learned in the college by allowing me to log into sites and access in-depth information easily and quickly. Some friends of mine devoted their time to getting job information in college rather than searching on the Internet. Ultimately, it was difficult for them to join the labor force after graduating. This corroborates with my earlier assertion that people can find job data on the internet easily.
Furthermore, people solve their job preparation issues through their own initiative with help form the Internet. Building upon my individual experience, there is also a research result which is compelling evidence for my position. Aside from an inconsequential percentage of people who endorse the opposition, a vast majority of those surveyed were in favor of it when the participants were asked whether they agreed people resolve their job preparation problems by themselves with online assistance. A participant in the research expressed that many college students experienced difficulty in preparing in future career path. They mentioned that they resolved this issue by navigating the Internet in search of relevant career data. According to a college professor, when today’s youngsters struggle in preparing for jobs, they go to the Internet in search of additional information.These opinions confirm that people deal with their career preparation with the help of Internet.
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flaws:
1. The essay is not exactly right on the topic. 'job preparation' doesn't only mean seeking jobs on internet. It may mean providing some courses, improving communication skills etc.
2. The content is not well organized. Try this pattern:
Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree.
Para 2: First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).
Para 3: Second,reason 2 ,blabla... do the same thing as First
Para 4: Third, reason 3 blabla... do the same thing as First but shorter
Para 5: Conclusion.
An simple example (Eating at home or restaurant) for paragraph 2:
Para 2: First,reason 1 (1 sentence: Eating at home can save money) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences: I can prepare cheaper food from food market; I don't need to drive or take a bus to reach the restaurant; I don't need to pay tips...) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentence: for example, a sandwich can cost me $10 at restaurant, but it only cost me $5 at home.) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences: with the money I saved, I can buy a good book to read; I can use the money for a trip...).
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 15 in 30
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 467 350
No. of Characters: 2473 1500
No. of Different Words: 233 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.649 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.296 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.95 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 195 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 148 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 116 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 79 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.679 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.076 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.357 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.276 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.465 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.087 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5