The graph shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
This diagram illustrates the percentage of population of aged 65 and over in three different countries during 100 years period.
Overall, all three countries trend is upward. However, the progression of older population in the US and Sweden is very similar, whereas the figure is contrast in Japan.
To begin with, at the beginning, the older population in the US was the highest, which was almost 10%, while only 7% of all citizens in Sweden and 5% in Japan. After that, the percentage of population aged 65 and over in the US dropped to the second rang of this chart in 1990s. In detail, the percentage of US elderly was less than 15, whereas the progression of Sweden was higher than 15%. However, in the last decade, the proportion of 65 aged and over in Japan will shoot up to the top rang with 28%, while the older population in the US will increase only a quarter of all citizens and only 23% in Sweden.
On the other hand, in Japan, the progression of older population is very different. Accordingly, there is remained a fluctuation between 1940 until 2020, after that it will rise to a peak dramatically. However, the US figure and Sweden figure are along together until the end of this period.
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Sentence: This diagram illustrates the percentage of population of aged 65 and over in three different countries during 100 years period.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to years and period
Sentence: Overall, all three countries trend is upward.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to countries and trend
flaws:
Better sentences wanted. for example:
'From that time on until the beginning of new millennium, although both the USA and Sweden experienced upward trend on this issue, Sweden outrun the USA indicating a rise by 8% opposed to 5%.'
read a sample:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/graph-shows-proportion-population-a…
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 10 10
No. of Words: 214 200
No. of Characters: 953 1000
No. of Different Words: 98 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.825 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.453 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.561 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 58 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 41 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 28 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 22 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.4 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.287 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.8 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.434 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.653 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.229 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4