The given pie charts compare the expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens.
Two pie charts elucidate the different spending habits on 7 different categories by American people in 1966 and 1996.
Notably, within 30 years, there has been a huge fluctuation on American people’s spending habits. As observed from the graph, the majority of American people has spent for the leisure activities (cars, restaurants and computers), which constitute more than 70% of spending. Especially, the food consumption decreased a significant amount by more than 1/3, while doubled its amount for spending on cars.
As more American people consider enjoying their lives, their spending habit has changed toward to other categories such as cars, restaurants and computers. The significant changes have made by Car spending, which has increased double its amount from 23% to 45% from 1966 to 1998, respectively. Meanwhile, the usage of restaurant have doubled of American people's expenses (7% in 1966 and 14% in 1996), the spending on computer have increased by 10% (1% in 1966 and 10% in 1996) due to increase outdoor activities.
Due to the modification of people’s hobbies have reduced their spending on other categories such as furniture, books and petrol. It is interesting to notify the fact that, the expenditure on car skyrocketed while the money spent on petrol reduced by 1%. A huge incremental in a computer spending will lead to decrease the spending on books (6% in 1966 and 1% in 1996). Furniture spending have decreased by 2% (of 10% in 1966; 8% in 1996).
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Comments
As observed from the graph,
As observed from the graph, the majority of American people has spent for the leisure activities cars, restaurants and computers, which constitute more than 70 of spending.
For this sentence, I have leisure activities (cars, restaurants and computers), which .........
So does this make it differerent?
better like this:
better like this:
....for the leisure activities on cars, restaurants and computers,
which has increased double its amount
which has doubled its amount
the usage of restaurant have doubled
the usage of restaurant has doubled
the spending on computer have increased
the spending on computer has increased
due to increase outdoor activities.
due to the increased outdoor activities.
Due to the modification of people’s hobbies have reduced
Description: check books how to use 'due to'.
while the money spent on petrol reduced by 1%.
while the money spent on petrol has reduced by 1%.
Sentence: As observed from the graph, the majority of American people has spent for the leisure activities cars, restaurants and computers, which constitute more than 70 of spending.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to activities and cars
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 11 10
No. of Words: 243 200
No. of Characters: 1180 1000
No. of Different Words: 116 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.948 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.856 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.876 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 85 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 70 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 60 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.091 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.23 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.364 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.441 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.639 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.134 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4