49.The following is part of a memorandum from the president of Humana University.
Last year the number of students who enrolled in online degree programs offered by nearby Omni University increased by 50 percent. During the same year, Omni showed a significant decrease from prior years in expenditures for dormitory
and classroom space, most likely because instruction in the online programs takes place via the Internet. In contrast, over the past three years, enrollment at Humana University has failed to grow, and the cost of maintaining buildings has increased along with our budget deficit. To address these problems, Humana University will begin immediately to create and actively promote online degree programs like those at Omni. We predict that instituting these online degree programs will help Humana both increase its total enrollment and solve its budget problems."
The conclusion of the president of Humana University is that, the online program conducted in Omni University could be used on Humana University as well, due to assumptions that, the results after implementing such project, an increase of enrollment and reduction of expenditures for dormitory and classroom space, are something expected by the high-ground of Humana University. But there are a number of holes within these assumptions and easily be challenged.
Firstly, the author begins with a statement that, newly enrolled students in Omni University had increased about 50% when compared to past years, thus stand for a huge leap on student number. Here, it is true that the rate is big, but does it equal to numbers? The answer should be answered by the original number of students, which is not shown in the passage, entered in that school. If that number was tiny in the past, like 100 students, so the newly enrolled students' rate will be 50% with only the number of 50. fifty new students could not enough to show the alleged success of online education. Moreover, what then is discussing is that the president assumes that allowing students study via internet would result in a substantial decrease in the expense for dormitory and classroom. Such argument is not for sure and unsound. Although the money spent on dormitory went down largely, we still have no information supporting that the original spent number was big, and the author also overlooks the income of providing dormitory to students. On condition that the income is more than the expenditure, author's argument will be undercut harshly. Hence, to make the argument more tenacious, the president should seek to more tenable evidence.
Secondly, an argument suggesting that the enrolment at Humana University fails to rise, which proposed by the president, has an underlying premise that if the rate does not rise, it goes down. However, apparently, it is wrong to conclude such argument. What if the number stay constant during the past 3 years? Perhaps the school has a steady attraction to students. Also, the writer implies that the cost of repairing exacerbate their fiscal situation. Here, no statistics are given to indicate the ratio of the cost to the budget, and fails to take the benefits brought by dormitory into account. The author, consequently, ostentatiously asserts the correlation of the cost and budget deficit, making his argument vulnerable in logic. Addition to it, the basic situations of the two universities vary a lot. Are their teaching targets the same? Or does the Humana University suit online program? For the first question, only the president knows, his school's target is to earn money or to gain reputation. I am not denying the quality of internet teaching, but we do need to focus on the online degree's high possibility of cheating compared to face to face traditional form. And for the latter one, if the content taught in Humana University is in the area of art or drawing, which is highly practical-ability required, the class quality will be not as well as before.
In a nutshell, the argument as the author stands in the passage is flawed due to the considerable paucity of solid evidence and several pieces of wishy-washy findings that are inaccurate. So the writer should conduct more research of the differences between two universities and the statistics of fiscal situations
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 562 350
No. of Characters: 2767 1500
No. of Different Words: 274 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.869 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.923 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.753 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 207 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 156 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 120 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 69 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.615 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.029 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.654 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.252 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.386 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.058 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... assumptions and easily be challenged. Firstly, the author begins with a statem...
^^^
Line 3, column 519, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Fifty
...will be 50% with only the number of 50. fifty new students could not enough to show t...
^^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...should seek to more tenable evidence. Secondly, an argument suggesting that th...
^^^
Line 5, column 781, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ition to it, the basic situations of the two universities vary a lot. Are their t...
^^
Line 5, column 1011, Rule ID: PROGRESSIVE_VERBS[1]
Message: This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead.
... to earn money or to gain reputation. I am not denying the quality of internet teaching, but w...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1134, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ine degrees high possibility of cheating compared to face to face traditional for...
^^
Line 5, column 1145, Rule ID: PHRASE_REPETITION[1]
Message: This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only 'to face'.
Suggestion: to face
... high possibility of cheating compared to face to face traditional form. And for the latter on...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...uality will be not as well as before. In a nutshell, the argument as the autho...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, apparently, but, consequently, first, firstly, hence, however, if, look, moreover, second, secondly, so, still, then, thus, well, as well as, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 78.0 55.5748502994 140% => OK
Nominalization: 22.0 16.3942115768 134% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2844.0 2260.96107784 126% => OK
No of words: 562.0 441.139720559 127% => OK
Chars per words: 5.06049822064 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.86893614481 4.56307096286 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.8281562188 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 283.0 204.123752495 139% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.503558718861 0.468620217663 107% => OK
syllable_count: 897.3 705.55239521 127% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 7.0 1.67365269461 418% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 27.0 19.7664670659 137% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 72.6729524974 57.8364921388 126% => OK
Chars per sentence: 105.333333333 119.503703932 88% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.8148148148 23.324526521 89% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.85185185185 5.70786347227 103% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 6.88822355289 145% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.246485895556 0.218282227539 113% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0566374069358 0.0743258471296 76% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0678579268604 0.0701772020484 97% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.141367008048 0.128457276422 110% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0686740684565 0.0628817314937 109% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.8 14.3799401198 89% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 48.3550499002 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.07 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.79 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 148.0 98.500998004 150% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 19.5 12.3882235529 157% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.