Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months
In the given argument, the author states that the sales of Whirlwind video games has declined over the past two years. However the author concludes that this declining trend of the sales is likely to reverse based on the two premises – (1) The results of a survey conducted reveals that the responders prefer lifelike graphics in the video games which it plans to introduce and (2) An extensive ad campaign is going to be launched by the company to boost the sales targeting the age group of 10-25 years. The explanation provided for this unwarranted conclusion is not very cogent due to the various flaws.
To begin with, the survey conducted by the company is based only on a singular feature that what is the preference of a video game player in playing a particular video game. The sample of the survey is not defined. There is no mention of the age group of the responders who are taking the survey. Further the number of responders is also not mentioned. Hence if the survey has been done upon a very small group, it can’t validate the conclusion of the preference of all the video game players.
The second prominent flaw is based on the responders of the video game that the “Lifelike garphics “ which is their preference in the video games requires the most up to date computers. Hence the latest computers with the advanced graphics is the prerequisite of a particular video game to be very popular. The video game being developed by the company may be of the advanced graphics but is there a sufficient availability of the advanced computers in the area where it envisages to launch its video games should be given a thought.
Thirdly, the author claims to plan a dedicated and extensive advertisement campaign to boost the sales but it mentions only in the targeted age group of 10-25 years. There is a serious discrepancy between the responders in the survey and targeted age group of the ad campaign. It is quite possible that the responders in the survey taken were from the age group above 25 years. This will lead to a mismatch in the action which may even result in the further decline of the sales.
Hence based on the above flaws, the authors conclusion that there is likely reversal in the dwindling sales of the Whirlwind Video games is not comprehensive. There needs to be a proper targeted survey defining the sample space with the number of responders, age group of the responders, their preferences before arriving at any specific conclusion.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-argument-task-essays/although-sales-whi…
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 430 350
No. of Characters: 2003 1500
No. of Different Words: 178 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.554 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.658 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.578 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 129 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 97 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 75 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.294 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.398 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.388 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.563 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.13 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 120, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...s has declined over the past two years. However the author concludes that this declinin...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 354, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...er of responders is also not mentioned. Hence if the survey has been done upon a very...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 197, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...requires the most up to date computers. Hence the latest computers with the advanced ...
^^^^^
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ideo games should be given a thought. Thirdly, the author claims to plan a ded...
^^^
Line 8, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
... in the further decline of the sales. Hence based on the above flaws, the authors c...
^^^^^
Line 8, column 37, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
.... Hence based on the above flaws, the authors conclusion that there is likely reversa...
^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 137, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...dling sales of the Whirlwind Video games is not comprehensive. There needs to be ...
^^
Line 8, column 352, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...re arriving at any specific conclusion.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, hence, however, if, may, second, so, third, thirdly, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 19.6327345309 127% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 12.9520958084 39% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 18.0 28.8173652695 62% => OK
Preposition: 65.0 55.5748502994 117% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 16.3942115768 43% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2062.0 2260.96107784 91% => OK
No of words: 432.0 441.139720559 98% => OK
Chars per words: 4.77314814815 5.12650576532 93% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.55901411391 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.67702703861 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 182.0 204.123752495 89% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.421296296296 0.468620217663 90% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 652.5 705.55239521 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 77.0051452018 57.8364921388 133% => OK
Chars per sentence: 121.294117647 119.503703932 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.4117647059 23.324526521 109% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.52941176471 5.70786347227 79% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.423014161534 0.218282227539 194% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.141160857309 0.0743258471296 190% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.114577085965 0.0701772020484 163% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.241774433299 0.128457276422 188% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0946909720608 0.0628817314937 151% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.7 14.3799401198 95% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 54.56 48.3550499002 113% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.68 12.5979740519 85% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.95 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 84.0 98.500998004 85% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 17.5 12.3882235529 141% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.