The following appeared in a memo from a budget planner for the city of Grandview.
"Our citizens are well aware of the fact that while the Grandview Symphony Orchestra was struggling to succeed, our city government promised annual funding to help support its programs. Last year, however, private contributions to the symphony increased by 200 percent, and attendance at the symphony's concerts-in-the-park series doubled. The symphony has also announced an increase in ticket prices for next year. Such developments indicate that the symphony can now succeed without funding from city government and we can eliminate that expense from next year's budget. Therefore, we recommend that the city of Grandview eliminate its funding for the Grandview Symphony from next year's budget. By doing so, we can prevent a city budget deficit without threatening the success of the symphony."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The recommendation mentioned in the question is about whether the subsidy for the symphony orchestra in Grandview should be eliminated or not. The writer of the memo believes that it should be eliminated. However, the reasons mentioned above are not enough cogent for the elimination of the government budget for symphony orchestras. The writer’s assertion had been more valid if he/she would have checked more factors for this decision.
In the first paragraph the writer mentions that while the orchestra was struggling to succeed, the government promised annual funding. The question is that what problems did the orchestra have that the government decided to help it? There is no mention about the reasons for government support. Also, we cannot understand from the letter, whether all problems have been solved for not getting the state budget. The recommendation of the writer had been more persuasive if he/she would have mentioned the reasons for getting support and removing it. The only reason mentioned above is related to the private contributions to the orchestra. The statistical figure brought in the letter is not valid. The writer has not mentioned that according to what source, he/she has brought the figure related to this private support. The question is that if government eliminated the budget whether the private support would increase in the future. How does the writer ensure that the support from the private sources will not be stopped? If the support from the private sources to be removed or reduced whether the orchestra would be able to cope with its expenses?
How does the writer ensure that the attendance at the concert is doubled? Did she/he have any research about the number of people in the concert? It is possible that the figures about the this subject are wrong.
Also the question is that if the financial support from private sources is enough, why the orchestra wants to increase the price of tickets. What are the reasons behind the increasing the price of tickets? If the orchestra does need the support of government, why officials what to increase the price of ticket? One of the reasons may is that the support may not be enough for them and they want to compensate for their expenses in this way.
Additionally, there is no mention about the amount of money the government decided to help. Whether the budget considered for the concert is enough significant in order for the government to decide to eliminate it to compensate for the city budget deficit.
In conclusion, in my view, the recommendation for elimination of budget for orchestra should be checked more. The reasons brought in the letter are not persuasive and all questions in the writing should be answered. For better decision, the writer should provide more valid statistical figures.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 467 350
No. of Characters: 2293 1500
No. of Different Words: 165 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.649 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.91 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.614 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 181 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 138 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 76 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.296 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.837 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.407 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.316 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.402 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.138 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 388, Rule ID: IF_WOULD_HAVE_VBN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'had checked'?
Suggestion: had checked
...assertion had been more valid if he/she would have checked more factors for this decision. In t...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 480, Rule ID: IF_WOULD_HAVE_VBN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'had mentioned'?
Suggestion: had mentioned
...iter had been more persuasive if he/she would have mentioned the reasons for getting support and rem...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 640, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...private contributions to the orchestra. The statistical figure brought in the lette...
^^^
Line 3, column 699, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...ure brought in the letter is not valid. The writer has not mentioned that according...
^^^
Line 3, column 822, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...figure related to this private support. The question is that if government eliminat...
^^^
Line 4, column 86, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'has'.
Suggestion: has
...e at the concert is doubled? Did she/he have any research about the number of people...
^^^^
Line 4, column 185, Rule ID: DT_DT[2]
Message: Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only 'the' or 'this' is left.
Suggestion: the; this
...? It is possible that the figures about the this subject are wrong. Also the question ...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...res about the this subject are wrong. Also the question is that if the financial s...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, may, so, while, in conclusion, in my view
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 29.0 19.6327345309 148% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 52.0 55.5748502994 94% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 16.3942115768 128% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2351.0 2260.96107784 104% => OK
No of words: 463.0 441.139720559 105% => OK
Chars per words: 5.0777537797 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.63868890866 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.67738091439 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 175.0 204.123752495 86% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.377969762419 0.468620217663 81% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 721.8 705.55239521 102% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 14.0 8.76447105788 160% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 27.0 19.7664670659 137% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 29.1329199244 57.8364921388 50% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 87.0740740741 119.503703932 73% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.1481481481 23.324526521 74% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.66666666667 5.70786347227 47% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.208430378951 0.218282227539 95% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0635372721771 0.0743258471296 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0565798153798 0.0701772020484 81% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.105522158199 0.128457276422 82% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0635365355547 0.0628817314937 101% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.1 14.3799401198 77% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 54.22 48.3550499002 112% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.89 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.41 8.32208582834 89% => OK
difficult_words: 86.0 98.500998004 87% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.