The following appeared as part of an article in a trade publication.
“Stronger laws are needed to protect new kinds of home-security systems from being copied and sold by imitators. With such protection, manufacturers will naturally invest in the development of new home-security products and production technologies. Without stronger laws, therefore, manufacturers will cut back on investment. From this will follow a corresponding decline not only in product quality and marketability, but also in production efficiency, and thus ultimately a loss of manufacturing jobs in the industry.”
The Author of the passage, which appeared in the publication, makes two major claims about the manufacturers as a whole and about the implications of lack of investment on the job market. Both the claims are un-supported and lack evidence necessary enough to consider them true. Among various flaws, present in the argument, there are three major flaws, which are unsubstantiated and not well reasoned.
First, the author makes a direct correlation between implementation of a stronger law and manufacturer investing in the products. No ideal reasoning or proof is present in the argument to consider the above mentioned correlation to be true. For example, there are multiple instances where even stronger laws fail to motivate some companies to implement new improvements in production with increase in investments. Moreover, the law itself is subject to scrutiny, as, there are various laws related to environment protection that calls for up to 10 years prison time. Nevertheless, some of these laws are not imposed in the real scenario and are subject to corruption and exploitation.
Second, an increase in investment on a particular product will not guarantee the product’s failure or success in the consumer market. Consumers today are picky and well informed about the products concerning them. For sure, an increase in budget for enhancing the product will increase in the product quality in some way but will not guarantee to be a limiter on the ongoing decline of that product. For example, Nokia smart phones, in the year 2005-2010 were undergoing the biggest downfall they have ever seen. All of the Nokia’s products were scheduled to revamp and heavy investments were allocated to revive the company, yet, every effort failed.
Third, the author vaguely concludes that lack of investment will lead to loss of manufacturing jobs in the industry. This claim is seriously flawed because investments in product enhancement are nowhere related to jobs and job market as a whole. It is an independent decision and does not affect the employee base of the company in any form. No company will cut back on employees and invest money in enhancing the product that, they believe, will perform according to their expectations. Investment budget comes out of profits that companies make and not from individual salaries, as mentioned in the given argument.
In conclusion, this argument is based on weak assumptions and unfounded correlations and that would not hold true in the real live scenarios. The author could have strengthen his claims by mentioning examples of industry , where investing has actually resulted in decreased imitations of their products or increased marketability. Nevertheless, while presenting a causal relationship between two events, one should always add related evidence/facts that act as strengthener to their claims.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 453 350
No. of Characters: 2348 1500
No. of Different Words: 235 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.613 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.183 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.905 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 173 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 143 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 105 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 69 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.571 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.029 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.619 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.281 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.51 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.056 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 519, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: All the
...e biggest downfall they have ever seen. All of the Nokia's products were scheduled to...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 164, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'strengthened'.
Suggestion: strengthened
...l live scenarios. The author could have strengthen his claims by mentioning examples of in...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 220, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...laims by mentioning examples of industry , where investing has actually resulted i...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, first, moreover, nevertheless, second, so, then, third, well, while, for example, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 18.0 11.1786427146 161% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 20.0 28.8173652695 69% => OK
Preposition: 67.0 55.5748502994 121% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 16.3942115768 128% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2415.0 2260.96107784 107% => OK
No of words: 452.0 441.139720559 102% => OK
Chars per words: 5.34292035398 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61088837703 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.04952965354 2.78398813304 110% => OK
Unique words: 244.0 204.123752495 120% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.53982300885 0.468620217663 115% => OK
syllable_count: 742.5 705.55239521 105% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 30.342339995 57.8364921388 52% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 115.0 119.503703932 96% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.5238095238 23.324526521 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.2380952381 5.70786347227 92% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.141038127219 0.218282227539 65% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0414863369679 0.0743258471296 56% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0343460137469 0.0701772020484 49% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0728029490587 0.128457276422 57% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0367205942208 0.0628817314937 58% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.5 14.3799401198 101% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.69 12.5979740519 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.08 8.32208582834 109% => OK
difficult_words: 126.0 98.500998004 128% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.