The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava.
"The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase."
Write a response discussing what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
A recommendation by the concomitant responsible for planning ten years budget of the city of Calatrava stated that the birth rate of the city has plummeted. It also highlighted that the birth rate of the previous year was only one half that of five years ago. Based on the above evidence author recommends the reduction of expenses related to education and the athletic field's activities. Careful scrutiny reveals that the arguments give no credible support to the conclusion drawn by the author. Hence the argument is incomplete. The following essay represents the set of vague pieces of evidence resulting in a weak argument.
To begin with, the author continuously assumes that the birth rate will continue to decline. For example, a country named Mexico once faced significant dangers due to the excessive rise in their population. Beurocrats of the country were concerned about the lack of resources. Hence new policies were made to lower down the birth rate. Apparently, it worked more than the required amount. Not only because of policies but also due to changes in culture. People started believing in small families. Consequently, the country is now facing a lack of labour growth due to an extremely low birth rate. This example demonstrates that no quick decisions should be based on such situations.
Secondly, the author suggests reducing funds for the athletic field activity without scrutinizing its effects on present athletes. The actual funds allotted to athletics are used by professional people. If these funds are reduced, then the representation of the city in interstate or intercity programs will also decrease. For instance, many cities get a lot of their revenue from tourism, which can be promoted by such athletics events. If the city decides to cut the funds, it may also affect the revenue generated. If the above statement has merit then the argument is significantly weakened.
Furthermore, the author assumes that reducing the funds from the educational system will not imply any negative effects. Here, the author does not evaluate the fact that lack of funds may deteriorate the quality of education. This will indirectly affect city growth. For instance, the students coming out of school are not able to qualify for any entrance exams. Perhaps this will affect the employability of the city. It may end up making many students unemployed. If the above statement holds true that the argument does not hold water
In conclusion, the argument appears to be flawed due to its reliance on a number of unwarranted pieces of evidence. The author requires to provide more analytical surveys and cogent proofs, to make his recommendation viable. Further evaluation of the argument could be done once convincing empirical pieces of evidence are presented.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 31 15
No. of Words: 451 350
No. of Characters: 2286 1500
No. of Different Words: 243 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.608 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.069 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.739 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 169 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 132 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 98 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.548 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.911 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.613 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.241 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.393 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.032 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 498, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
... to the conclusion drawn by the author. Hence the argument is incomplete. The followi...
^^^^^
Line 2, column 278, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
... concerned about the lack of resources. Hence new policies were made to lower down th...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 519, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
... may also affect the revenue generated. If the above statement has merit then the ...
^^
Line 4, column 466, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...end up making many students unemployed. If the above statement holds true that the...
^^
Line 4, column 537, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ue that the argument does not hold water In conclusion, the argument appears to b...
^^^^^
Line 6, column 137, Rule ID: ALLOW_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'providing'? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
Suggestion: providing
...pieces of evidence. The author requires to provide more analytical surveys and cogent proo...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, apparently, but, consequently, furthermore, hence, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, for example, for instance, in conclusion, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 61.0 55.5748502994 110% => OK
Nominalization: 24.0 16.3942115768 146% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2339.0 2260.96107784 103% => OK
No of words: 451.0 441.139720559 102% => OK
Chars per words: 5.18625277162 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.60833598836 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.83620014255 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 245.0 204.123752495 120% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.543237250554 0.468620217663 116% => OK
syllable_count: 751.5 705.55239521 107% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 30.0 19.7664670659 152% => OK
Sentence length: 15.0 22.8473053892 66% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 35.1912868004 57.8364921388 61% => OK
Chars per sentence: 77.9666666667 119.503703932 65% => OK
Words per sentence: 15.0333333333 23.324526521 64% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.96666666667 5.70786347227 87% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 12.0 6.88822355289 174% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 12.0 4.67664670659 257% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.185500874483 0.218282227539 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0410607620235 0.0743258471296 55% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0836827507428 0.0701772020484 119% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0988154220279 0.128457276422 77% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.10523448525 0.0628817314937 167% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.5 14.3799401198 73% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 47.79 48.3550499002 99% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.23 12.5979740519 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.18 8.32208582834 110% => OK
difficult_words: 137.0 98.500998004 139% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.0 11.1389221557 72% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.