The following memorandum is from the business manager of Happy Pancake House
restaurants.
"Recently, butter has been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. This change, however, has had little impact on our customers.In fact, only about 2 percent of customers have complained, indicating that an average of 98 people out of 100 are happy with the change. Furthermore, many servers have reported that a number of customers who ask for butter do not complain when they are given margarine instead. Clearly, either these customers do not distinguish butter from margarine or they use the term 'butter' to refer to either butter or margarine."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
In the memorandum above the author concludes that either customers of happy pancake do not differentiate between butter and margarine, or the customers call both butter. This judgment is based on a recent substitution of butter with margarine in the southwestern of the United States. Afterward, as there are insignificant numbers of complaints about the change, the author drew the deduction. There are several rival explanations, which without being ruled out make the conclusion untenable.
First, the author takes for granted the recent change is not noticeable as only a tiny percentage of customers complained. The author is highly prone to perpetrate a fallacy of a false cause; not complaining about a thing does not guarantee that people are satisfied with that thing. A plausible explanation is that people are reticent and do not bother themselves with issuing complains. Instead, they will not come any more to Happy Pancake Stores. It is also possible that, as the change has taken place recently, a surge of complaints are on the way and it is too hasty to make any inference. With these scenarios being the case, the memorandum’s conclusion cannot be tenable.
Furthermore, the author tries to support that there are insignificant numbers of complaints saying that many servers reporting that “a number” of customers complained when receiving margarine instead of butter. However, it is likely that the very number is quite significant, and the author has underestimated that. The author’s version of facts about the insignificance of the complaints is tenable only when there is statistical information not the mere saying of “a number of customers”.
Finally, even if the author is right in saying that the complaints are inconsiderable, still this does not necessarily show that people do not understand the different tastes between margarine and butter. It is probable that in Pancake which is served in Happy Pancake stores the condiments dilute the differences between the taste of butter and margarine. In this case, only people do not distinguish the difference which is in the pancake, not in general. It is also a plausible that they like margarine better than the butter and do not make any complain about. Therefore, the author is highly possible to make a flawed extrapolation.
In short, as discussed, in several parts of the memorandum the author sticks to one explanation which is not supported by the evidences. As the alternative explanations can also be true, there is no room to certainly embrace the author’s conclusion that individuals do not know the difference between margarine an butter when tasting them.
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Comments
Thanks for your
Thanks for your recommendation, but little more help would make it perfect. I do not see your points clearly.
Is something wrong with my topic sentences?
Or
Should I use this structure: "another explanation is that..." instead of "it is also possible..."
'another explanation is
'another explanation is that...' will better match the topic requirement. But you should pay attention to this kind of new GRE essays. There are more topics like this one. Just be careful.
Read the sample essay will give you more ideas.
flaws:
You may pay attention to the requirements:
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
This is a topic for new GRE. Need to change a little bit of the writing styles regrading to 'discuss one or more alternative explanations'.
read a sample:
http://testbig.com/gmatgre-essays/following-memorandum-business-manager…
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 427 350
No. of Characters: 2171 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.546 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.084 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.922 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 161 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 113 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 84 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 75 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.35 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.85 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.33 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.525 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.076 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5