"In the past few years, Fern Valley University has suffered from a decline in both enrollments and admissions applications. The reason can be discovered from our students, who most often cite poor teaching and inadequate library resources as their chief sources of dissatisfaction with Fern Valley. Therefore, in order to increase the number of students attending our university, and hence to regain our position as the most prestigious university in the greater Fern Valley metropolitan area, it is necessary to initiate a fund-raising campaign among the alumni that will enable us to expand the range of subjects we teach and to increase the size of our library facilities."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
Though fund raising through alumni could result in increased number of enrollments it may not be because of the reasons author mentions. The author assumes that the argument will hold since the number of students enrolled is proportional the prestige of the university, since this may not be the case it the author's efforts may backfire. The argument can be divided into three primary assumptions as has been delineated below.
First, the argument presented is since the students cite poor teaching and inadequate library resources as the problem, if this point is mitigated then the enrollments will increase. It could be the case if the survey conducted to find this can an apt representative of the general student body. If the students who responded were the ones who wanted improved library or had troubles with the faculty then the argument might not hold true, since in this case it could be that library resources and teaching was adequate but the survey statistics was not interpreted correctly. If evidence in favor of the survey being inaccurate representation is found to be true then it could a waste to financial resources to invest in library resources and teaching.
Furthermore, it is the opinion of the current students that teaching and library resources should be improved, there is no evidence that the wants of current students aligns with the wants of the aspirants. For example currents students might want a better library but the aspirants are probably not enrolling simply because of low placement statistics. Or even if aspirants prefer better library and teaching maybe the location of the university is too remote to be easily accessible. Thus there can be many different motivations for the aspiring students to not chose the university which do not align with those of the current students. If evidence is found to be in favor of such a case, then again the argument would be obsolete and a waste of financial resources.
Also is collecting fund from alumni might not be 'necessary' it could be one of the means to gain financial support, but there is no evidence to support that it is necessary. In case the fund collected is not sufficient then it the argument will to have even fulfill its own prerequisite let alone be able to hold on up till the end. Thereby, there can be better means, and it might not be necessary to collect fund form alumni to become prestigious.
All in all though investing in library and teaching will be value addition the students will gain form it, the argument is flawed in its assumptions.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 434 350
No. of Characters: 2090 1500
No. of Different Words: 185 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.564 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.816 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.661 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 148 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 122 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 91 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.125 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.432 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.812 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.358 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.603 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.094 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 352, Rule ID: NEEDS_FIXED[1]
Message: "wanted improved" is only accepted in certain dialects. For something more widely acceptable, try 'improving' or 'to be improved'.
Suggestion: improving; to be improved
... who responded were the ones who wanted improved library or had troubles with the facult...
^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 487, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
... is too remote to be easily accessible. Thus there can be many different motivations...
^^^^
Line 9, column 505, Rule ID: NUMEROUS_DIFFERENT[1]
Message: Use simply 'many'.
Suggestion: many
...be easily accessible. Thus there can be many different motivations for the aspiring students t...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...nd a waste of financial resources. Also is collecting fund from alumni might no...
^^^^
Line 13, column 258, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'fulfilled'.
Suggestion: fulfilled
... then it the argument will to have even fulfill its own prerequisite let alone be able ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, if, may, so, then, thus, for example
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 36.0 19.6327345309 183% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 23.0 12.9520958084 178% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 23.0 28.8173652695 80% => OK
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2140.0 2260.96107784 95% => OK
No of words: 434.0 441.139720559 98% => OK
Chars per words: 4.93087557604 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.56428161445 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.72946083786 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 191.0 204.123752495 94% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.440092165899 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 671.4 705.55239521 95% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.1090622775 57.8364921388 76% => OK
Chars per sentence: 133.75 119.503703932 112% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.125 23.324526521 116% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.1875 5.70786347227 73% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.184067347778 0.218282227539 84% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0720070712297 0.0743258471296 97% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0336847750775 0.0701772020484 48% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.100374116721 0.128457276422 78% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0407614452204 0.0628817314937 65% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.4 14.3799401198 107% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 52.53 48.3550499002 109% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.6 12.197005988 103% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.61 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.36 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 93.0 98.500998004 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.