"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."
The author of the argument states that in order for a business to proper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night. To buttress his/her argument, the author cites the following evidences: the executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher margins and faster growth based on a recent study. Tough the issue has merit, due to lack of convincing evidences and unaddressed assumptions, the conclusion is unsubstantiated and flawed.
To begin with, the author unfairly assumes that result conducted by recent study is valid. Since the study is only based on 300 people, the sample size might not be large enough and all the participants in the survey might not represent all people in different businesses. The result, in addition, is based only on the executives. We are not given the sleep hours of employees on the other positions. Various workload leads to different sleep hours, as the subordinates may have more sleep hours and leaders have less. The author fails to provide more detailed information about the study. How many males and females took part in this study respectively? What are the ages, wages and characteristics of those people? The hours reported by the executives are not necessarily equal to the exact sleep hour. Some employees, in order to show their diligence, reported the sleep hours less than true ones. Without the credibility of data collected by the study, we are not able to draw the conclusion readily. In addition, the study is only based on Mentian advertising, so that it might not be applied to other businesses, as structures and characteristics of business can vary significantly.
Moreover, the author attributes the better performances of individuals solely to the sleep hours. As we all know, correlation is not the same as causation. Many other factors remain unexamined. For example, some employees perhaps have wider knowledge base and more sophisticated skills, thereby improving the efficiency of their work. Some, apt at learning and devoting more time on their positions, are more likely to earn higher profit margin. No cannot that people sleep less than 6 hours with low work effectiveness is better than those who sleep more than 6 hours per day but with high effectiveness. In terms of firm, the success secret can be their mature operations and reasonable policies. Therefore, there are many other possibilities leading to better performance of each individual. Unless excluding other potential causes, the conclusion is ungrounded.
Last but not least, the author assumes that only hiring workers who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night is beneficial to prosperity of the businesses. The assumption, nevertheless, is invalid. There is no convincing method to measure sleep hour of every individual and sleeping hours can differ from day to day. The companies are unlikely to know the correct sleeping hours, because some people would lessen their sleep hours temporarily to get the job. Furthermore, the author does not evaluate the potential harm after implementing such policies. The shortened sleep hour does not mean that people devote all the rest of time into work. Some, instead, play computer games or just chatting with friends, which wastes their rigor and make them exhausted. People on the next day, might be asleep and reduce their efficiency a lot. Long-term sleep deprivation contributes negatively to health conditions and overall job satisfaction. Sleep, on the contrary, can restore people and better prepare them for tomorrow's task.
To sum up, as it stands, the conclusion drawn by the author is relied on several questionable and unstated assumptions, to further strengthen his/her argument, the author is suggested to include the evidences as follows: first, whether the recent study is persuasive and representative; second, whether there is causal effect between sleeping hour and profit margin or the better performances are caused by other reasons; finally, whether the condition and profit can be increased dramatically owing to hiring only people with short sleeping hours.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 36 15
No. of Words: 674 350
No. of Characters: 3396 1500
No. of Different Words: 310 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.095 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.039 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.742 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 229 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 159 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 121 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 92 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.722 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.319 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.361 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.253 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.393 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.088 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 498, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ion is unsubstantiated and flawed. To begin with, the author unfairly assum...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... can vary significantly. Moreover, the author attributes the bett...
^^
Line 5, column 449, Rule ID: NOW[1]
Message: Did you mean 'now' (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
Suggestion: Now
...re likely to earn higher profit margin. No cannot that people sleep less than 6 ho...
^^
Line 5, column 874, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ses, the conclusion is ungrounded. Last but not least, the author assumes t...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...them for tomorrows task. To sum up, as it stands, the conclusion ...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, finally, first, furthermore, if, may, moreover, nevertheless, second, so, then, therefore, for example, in addition, on the contrary, to begin with, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 24.0 11.1786427146 215% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 75.0 55.5748502994 135% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3535.0 2260.96107784 156% => OK
No of words: 666.0 441.139720559 151% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.30780780781 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.08005667302 4.56307096286 111% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.11963921239 2.78398813304 112% => OK
Unique words: 324.0 204.123752495 159% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.486486486486 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 1062.9 705.55239521 151% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 19.0 8.76447105788 217% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 10.0 4.22255489022 237% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 31.0 19.7664670659 157% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 113.395957071 57.8364921388 196% => OK
Chars per sentence: 114.032258065 119.503703932 95% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.4838709677 23.324526521 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.25806451613 5.70786347227 92% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 8.20758483034 183% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.67664670659 235% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.250119426386 0.218282227539 115% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0646958283291 0.0743258471296 87% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0603701197089 0.0701772020484 86% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.150808069477 0.128457276422 117% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0456353488316 0.0628817314937 73% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.3 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.52 12.5979740519 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.71 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 170.0 98.500998004 173% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.5 12.3882235529 149% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.