Claim: young people’s tendency to make extensive use of portable devices like smartphones and tablets have hurt their development of social skills.
Reasons: these devices encourage users to form artificial personalities and relationships online rather than fully and honestly engaging with the people around them.
It is said that the social and communication skills of young people due to their overuse of portable gadgets, such as mobile phones and tablets have been hurt. One of the reasons given for this claim is the ability given to online users by these devices to create fake personalities and relationships which can destroy the honesty and trust among people. I agree with this point of view to some extent.
The excessive use of portable devices by young people is not overstating. Nowadays, we can see that it is so normal for parents that their children to have high-quality mobile phones or tablets. They argue that they want to give a chance their children to keep up with the time and develop their creativity and innovation. However, have children enough knowledge and deliberation for the use of such devices? Can they keep a balance between their study time and their game time with these devices? According to my experience, many children do not have this ability and most of the time, they sacrifice their study time to spend more time with their tablets or mobile phones. Even, they use their tablets when they need to sleep at night. This condition not only can weaken their vision but also can cause mental and psychological dependence on such devices in children. The dependency created can encourage such children to self-isolate because they prefer to spend their time in the virtual world instead of playing with their peers. This situation can hurt their social skills, as they lose their ability to keep in touch with different people and make a friend. As a result, after a while, they turn into introverted and depressed people who find it difficult to communicate with others.
With the introduction of advanced technologies in such devices, such as the internet, many young people have been allowed to make a connection with different people and expand their scope of communication. For example, with the accessibility to different platforms, such as YouTube, Telegram and Instagram, they can know about the daily activities of different people, ranging from unknown wealthy people to celebrities. This condition can tempt young people to turn to their phones and tablets frequently in order to follow the stories and posts on such platforms. The over-participation in social media can cause young individuals to compare themselves with people showing off their luxurious lifestyles, regardless of whether or not they show the truth. This situation can encourage young people to build their life similar to rich people because they feel inferior to those people. However, having such a lifestyle is too expensive and the low economic condition can force young people to lie and introduce themselves based on something opposite to their real world. This activity is usually done by putting fake pictures on the profile or giving wrong information. Therefore, with the creation of artificial personalities, such people lose their ability to keep in touch with others in the real world because in the real world they cannot gain their virtual respect and attention. Also, if well-off people do not control their hourly use of social media, the overstated positive feedback given to them can make them narcissistic which can cause them to become selfish and think that they can boss all people around. As a result, they may lose their friends because of their incorrect behaviour.
In conclusion, in my view, one of the negative consequences of the overuse of tablets and smartphones is to hurt the development of social skills in young people. This condition can also cause other problems that I mentioned in my writing.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 721, Rule ID: WHETHER[7]
Message: Perhaps you can shorten this phrase to just 'whether'. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Suggestion: whether
...eir luxurious lifestyles, regardless of whether or not they show the truth. This situation can...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, may, so, therefore, well, while, for example, in conclusion, such as, as a result, in my view
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 9.0 19.5258426966 46% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 19.0 12.4196629213 153% => OK
Conjunction : 26.0 14.8657303371 175% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 11.3162921348 88% => OK
Pronoun: 71.0 33.0505617978 215% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 95.0 58.6224719101 162% => OK
Nominalization: 20.0 12.9106741573 155% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3040.0 2235.4752809 136% => OK
No of words: 602.0 442.535393258 136% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.04983388704 5.05705443957 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.95335121839 4.55969084622 109% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.70572053437 2.79657885939 97% => OK
Unique words: 268.0 215.323595506 124% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.445182724252 0.4932671777 90% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 939.6 704.065955056 133% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59117977528 101% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 15.0 6.24550561798 240% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 4.0 4.99550561798 80% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 3.10617977528 161% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.77640449438 0% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.38483146067 160% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 20.2370786517 128% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 23.0359550562 100% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.8884214833 60.3974514979 86% => OK
Chars per sentence: 116.923076923 118.986275619 98% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.1538461538 23.4991977007 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.5 5.21951772744 86% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 7.80617977528 13% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 10.2758426966 127% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 5.13820224719 136% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.83258426966 124% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.265980146221 0.243740707755 109% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0924186301918 0.0831039109588 111% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.06823986033 0.0758088955206 90% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.194093699328 0.150359130593 129% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0604546707176 0.0667264976115 91% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.9 14.1392134831 98% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 48.8420337079 99% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.1743820225 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.31 12.1639044944 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.16 8.38706741573 97% => OK
difficult_words: 129.0 100.480337079 128% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 11.8971910112 92% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.2143820225 100% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.7820224719 93% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.