Some people believe that increasing violence in the media is the cause of increasing violence in our society, especially among children. Others believe that children's peer groups and parental role models are a much more influence on children's behavior.
In primitie times people used to be less violent in comparison to present. Today people get incited and become argumentative quickly if something irks them. Now, be it a child or be it a grown up person, the type of environment we have around us greatly affects us, be it positive or negative. If a person is surrounded by positive environment the person inculcates positive behaviour and vice versa. Although media plays a role in this direction, but the role of our parents and our peers has a more pronounced effect on our behaviour.
Talking about children, a child is like a blank paper. Whatever you write on it, it tends to adhere to it. After the birth, the first person whose behaviour put a great impression on a child is his/her parents. How one's parents behave in home and in society can be portrayed in our behaviour as we gradually grow up. If someone's parents are argumentative and easilyacqure a violent attitude, a child is highly likely to adapt similar behaviour. It's because we spend so much time with them, and the corresponding impression become indelible as we grow up. For example: I have seen many children who have an angry demeaner, but it in most cases their behaviour could be traced back to their parents behaviour towards them or others.
Despite parents behaviour puts impact on how we bahave in present world, it's not the only factor. As we grow further, we spend our valuable time in schools, colleges or other training institutes. We come across many people, and every child become a part of a group of friends or colleagues, and so the behaviour that different people have again further affects us. Not immediately though, bbut slowely a child starts spending a lot of his time with his peers and the midset starts to change.
If a child's colleagues are involved in wrong activities, then most of the times, that child also gets indulged in their activities. Being in the same environment again and again, a child's thinking also changes and he also starts reflecting the same behavious that his peers have. If one's colleagues are violent and aggressive, stakes are high that the child also tends to become aggressive. For example: In colleges, if in a class most of the students are likely to hinder the progression of class though by creating noise and donot behave properly with their teacher, even other students, who weren't the same when they joined the college, but are likely to be found to show similar behaviour.
Apart from parents and one's peers, there are other factors who also impact on how we behave. Out of which one is media. Today televisions and internet have found an important place in every children minds.In their spare time, children, today, spend a significant amount of time watching news and other shows on television. Nowadays, the shows, news etc., to gain popularity and to stimulate the emotions of people, are flooded with violence and aggression. As a result of which the children also tend to adhere to similar behaviour to some extent. For ex:in news most of the times, many activists, and political leaders will be found debating and who often tend to get angry and violent, which does have some effect on the children behaviour.
However, due to more time being spent at home, and in society, a behaviour of a child is most likely to reflect similar behaviour as of his/her parental models, peers and others in society. hence, with aforementioned reasoning teh argument can be supported
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Despite parents behaviour puts impact on how we bahave in present world,
Description: 'Despite ' is not used properly here
and every child become a part of a group
and every child becomes a part of a group
Sentence: In primitie times people used to be less violent in comparison to present.
Error: primitie Suggestion: primitive
Sentence: If someone's parents are argumentative and easilyacqure a violent attitude, a child is highly likely to adapt similar behaviour.
Error: easilyacqure Suggestion: ?
Sentence: For example: I have seen many children who have an angry demeaner, but it in most cases their behaviour could be traced back to their parents behaviour towards them or others.
Error: demeaner Suggestion: demeanor
Sentence: Despite parents behaviour puts impact on how we bahave in present world, it's not the only factor.
Error: bahave Suggestion: behave
Sentence: Not immediately though, bbut slowely a child starts spending a lot of his time with his peers and the midset starts to change.
Error: slowely Suggestion: slowly
Error: midset Suggestion: midst
Error: bbut Suggestion: but
Sentence: However, due to more time being spent at home, and in society, a behaviour of a child is most likely to reflect similar behaviour as of his/her parental models, peers and others in society. hence, with aforementioned reasoning teh argument can be supported
Error: teh Suggestion: the
flaws:
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Attribute Value Ideal
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Category: Good Excellent
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No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 600 350
No. of Characters: 2793 1500
No. of Different Words: 260 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.949 4.7
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Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
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Sentence Length SD: 10.315 7.5
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Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.495 0.50
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Number of Paragraphs: 6 5