Sports stars and movie stars have an obligation to behave as role models for the young people who look up to them. In return for the millions of dollars that they are paid, we should expect them to fulfill this societal responsibility.
The author of the sentence above suggests that stars of movie and sport scene must respect a behavioural code, in order to give a positive example to the thousands of young people who are following and admiring them. As far as I am concerned, I tend to mostly agree with his view even if, in my reckon, stars' private life should be more preserved.
On one hand, their fundamental role on society, since all their life is shared on the media and everybody is allowed to watch it, is to share positive and right values in order to motivate the youngest to behave in the right way. Even if this may seem difficult at a first glance it should be actually their primarly concern, in return of the great amounts of money they receive. Moreover, not only they have to share the good vibes, but also to underline which are the bad ones. For instance, high level people who have committed some penal such a rabbery or just a speed limit violation should be banned in public, in order to make people understand that, even if they are really smart and famous, they have committed a bad error and their behaviour should not be an example for others.
On the other hand, stars' private life is not that private anymore. Nowadays we can find paparazzi and journalist hided everywhere in order to catch for first a scoop or a news that, if shared, they think they will make them famous too. What they cannot understand is that by doing this kind of action they are destroying the privacy of these people and they are making them even more stressed for what concern their behaviour. As a consequence they are losing more and more their natural personalities that have made them famous, becoming artificial and uniformized. In order to solve this problem some law has to be created, which have to protect stars' personal life from media.
In conclusion, stars have to feel the behavioural obligation to care about sharing a positive imaage of themself and should always respect the rules of the place they in. However, they should be helped in this pretty difficult committment from the press and from the media in general, who have to flaw the pression on them.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 170, Rule ID: A_UNCOUNTABLE[1]
Message: Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply 'news'.
Suggestion: news
... in order to catch for first a scoop or a news that, if shared, they think they will m...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, however, if, may, moreover, really, so, as to, for instance, in conclusion, in general, kind of, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.5258426966 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.4196629213 89% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 14.8657303371 101% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 11.3162921348 97% => OK
Pronoun: 41.0 33.0505617978 124% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 53.0 58.6224719101 90% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 12.9106741573 46% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1771.0 2235.4752809 79% => OK
No of words: 382.0 442.535393258 86% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.63612565445 5.05705443957 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.42095241839 4.55969084622 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.38632201735 2.79657885939 85% => OK
Unique words: 200.0 215.323595506 93% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.523560209424 0.4932671777 106% => OK
syllable_count: 561.6 704.065955056 80% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59117977528 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 6.24550561798 80% => OK
Article: 1.0 4.99550561798 20% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 3.10617977528 193% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.77640449438 56% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.38483146067 205% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 20.2370786517 64% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 29.0 23.0359550562 126% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 60.1758763515 60.3974514979 100% => OK
Chars per sentence: 136.230769231 118.986275619 114% => OK
Words per sentence: 29.3846153846 23.4991977007 125% => OK
Discourse Markers: 10.9230769231 5.21951772744 209% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 7.80617977528 13% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 10.2758426966 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 5.13820224719 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.83258426966 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.312822418197 0.243740707755 128% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.107525149435 0.0831039109588 129% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0501933995914 0.0758088955206 66% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.191892908944 0.150359130593 128% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0204845155028 0.0667264976115 31% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.1 14.1392134831 107% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.5 48.8420337079 103% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.92365168539 39% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.1743820225 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.22 12.1639044944 84% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.26 8.38706741573 98% => OK
difficult_words: 77.0 100.480337079 77% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 18.0 11.8971910112 151% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.6 11.2143820225 121% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.7820224719 119% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.