Cambridge 5 - Writing Task 1

Essay topics:

Cambridge 5 - Writing Task 1

The graph shows about the proportion of the population aged 65 and over from 1940 to 2040 and how the number get increase or decrease during the range of time. I would like to describe and to compare between Japan and Sweden's proportion of population according to the data above.

In 1940, instead of increasing, Japanese's population were decreasing steadily. That happened from the end of 1980's and in the beginning of 1990's. On the other hand, Sweden population were increasing steadily until the beginning of 1960's and became more significant in the earlier 1980's but unfortunately it started to decrease at the rest of 1980's until in the middle of 1990's.

After 1990's Japan would not face its number of population decreasing when Sweden will face the decreasing of its number in the middle of 2015. Japan old people will touch its top proportion of population in 2040 and beyond the Sweden number of population, right after its significant raise in last 2030. The raise will show us an increase from 10% to 25%. A surprising raise, beyond our expectation. The Japan number of population in 2040 will reach the highest level of proportion for their old population. High level of old population is an impact from the young Japanese lifestyle nowadays. Their decisions to be workaholics and limiting the number of birth. The decision probably conduct a new condition, Japan will have lack number of their next generation that is why they will face the highest level of old population in the next thirty years from now.

That is all my summarise and comparison between Japan and Sweden statistic of population based on the graph above.

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Comments

and how the number get increase or decrease
and how the number gets increased or decreased

Japanese's population were decreasing steadily.
Japanese's population was decreasing steadily.

Sweden population were increasing steadily
Sweden's population was increasing steadily

Sentence: That is all my summarise and comparison between Japan and Sweden statistic of population based on the graph above.
Error: summarise Suggestion: summarize

flaws:
Don't put your own comments for the graphs. This is task I not task II.

No. of Words: 278 200
Write the essay in 20 minutes.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 10
No. of Words: 278 200
No. of Characters: 1342 1000
No. of Different Words: 134 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.083 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.827 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.635 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 88 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 61 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 52 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.385 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.08 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.077 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.387 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.575 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.132 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4