In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.What are your opinion on this.

Essay topics:

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
What are your opinion on this.

Working children phenomenon occurs in certain country, however several parents permit their children to get work experience there out undoubtedly, instead of disparage their children's ability to do some jobs, which is enabled to be unraveled further among the benefits and detrimental effect towards children's psychology.

Children who are involved to some kind of paid work, gain worth experiences and fruitful things to share with their surrounding for the future, by the reason of they spend their spare time to do some working things while other counterparts do leisure time. Responsibility to their self, managing time and rule their life performances, supporting financial matters, and making network are instances for the beneficial effects, besides well experienced in order to improve some skills including logic and social control. This circumstance will be proved as the children grow up.

On other hand, some disadvantages may harm the children's physic and mentally. First of all, the children who is working predominantly will focus on their working time instead of gaining profit and getting addicted, therefore will lead on to another impacts which able to make children unconsciously getting interrupted for their assignments, while the most important role as student is doing their education well. Another bad influences will affect to the children towards unsuitable working area which affect to the children's manner, furthermore the job demands for higher than children's ability can cause bad effect to their immune system.

To sum it up, i stand along to the parent's choice to allow their children working in order to make better personality instead of playing games and another bad miscellaneous thing affecting children's future become worse.

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Sentence: Working children phenomenon occurs in certain country, however several parents permit their children to get work experience there out undoubtedly, instead of disparage their children's ability to do some jobs, which is enabled to be unraveled further among the benefits and detrimental effect towards children's psychology.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to children and phenomenon
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by a determiner, possessive
Suggestion: Refer to disparage and their

Sentence: Children who are involved to some kind of paid work, gain worth experiences and fruitful things to share with their surrounding for the future, by the reason of they spend their spare time to do some working things while other counterparts do leisure time.
Description: The token of is not usually followed by a pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to of and they

may harm the children's physic and mentally.
may harm children physically and mentally.

Sentence: First of all, the children who is working predominantly will focus on their working time instead of gaining profit and getting addicted, therefore will lead on to another impacts which able to make children unconsciously getting interrupted for their assignments, while the most important role as student is doing their education well.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to another and impacts
Description: The fragment which able to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace able with adverb

miscellaneous thing affecting children's future become worse.
miscellaneous thing affecting children's future to become worse.

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
Avg. Sentence Length: 34 21.0

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 8 15
No. of Words: 272 350
No. of Characters: 1473 1500
No. of Different Words: 164 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.061 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.415 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.798 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 115 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 91 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 54 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 34 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.327 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.47 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.705 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.132 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5