We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Undoubtedly, the technological advancement has touched the horizon and we expect many more yet to be discovered. It is evident that computers have influenced all the aspects of the world. There are hardly any industry which is not using computers in their routine work and it proves that we have become more and more dependent on the computers for our day to day activities which seriously ask a thought. However, my inclination goes against the thought of to be remain suspicious about the benefits of the computer which can be elaborated with following arguments.
To commence with, if we look at the past, we can realize how computers have organized our lives with comfort. Twenty decades back, we were recording all the data on paper that had created junk of files and papers in offices. It was very difficult to find out any old records from those junk. But, now computers have not only reduced the processing time of any procedures but also reduced the required space to store the data. To exemplify , the death and birth records of any country can be recorded in small disc that requires a tiny box to store it. Now, people are able to get duplicates of their lost documents easily than earlier.
Moreover, computers have connected people with the help of different modes like mails, messages , and other useful communication application like skype. With the help of this devices, the time of communication has been reduced from several days to the few seconds. It is worth to mention that, till the early twentieth sanctuary, we were able to communicate through letters and telegrams only which was taking 2 to 3 days to reach at rural areas while today with the introduction of computers we are able to talk with any of our relative residing at any corner of the world at very nominal cost. To illustrate with, skype and video call on computer can connect people living in two different countries by sitting in their drawing room.
On the flip side, we have become immensely dependent on the computers that we cannot take a move in absence of computer. For example, the airline booking, train ticket booking etc. would be interrupted if computer network shuts down merely for few minutes. We are habituated in a manner that it can create a chaos among the people for losing their precious time behind manual process or delay in booking. More to add it, our day starts with checking mails on computers, we communicate through computer, we work on it and nonetheless, we store lots of important details in computers. And if it gets crash duet to any technical or mechanical fault, it can ruin all the efforts of the person. Under the light of this fact, we should search an alternate that can help us not to be handicapped in crisis.
To summing up, I can say that changes are inevitable and we can not ignore the need of computers in today's fast pace growing world. Althouh the dependansy on computer can disrupt our routine many a times, I strongly believe we should not doubt the benefits of computers.
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- We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of 78
Comments
Essay evaluation report
in small disc
in a small disc
Sentence: With the help of this devices, the time of communication has been reduced from several days to the few seconds.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and devices
Sentence: Althouh the dependansy on computer can disrupt our routine many a times, I strongly believe we should not doubt the benefits of computers.
Error: dependansy Suggestion: dependency
flaws:
The issue of the essay is that it has a lot of sentences with 'We' as subject.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 524 350
No. of Characters: 2436 1500
No. of Different Words: 271 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.784 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.649 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.548 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 162 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 130 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 79 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 59 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.818 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.806 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.364 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.303 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.506 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.16 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Dear Reader ,
Dear Reader ,
kindly suggest the proper replacement for the flaw mentioned in your evaluation. I will appreciate if you can give the better suggestion for the improvement of this essay to the grade 8.
Regards
Bhumika
Totally there are 23
Totally there are 23 sentences in the essay, but there are 12 sentences with 'we' as the subject. It means half of the sentences have 'we':
we expect many more yet to be discovered.
we have become more and more dependent on the computers for our day to day activities
if we look at the past, we can realize how computers have organized our lives with comfort.
we were recording all the data on paper
we were able to communicate through letters and telegrams
we are able to talk with any of our relative residing at any corner of the world at very nominal cost.
we have become immensely dependent on the computers that we cannot take a move in absence of computer.
We are habituated in a manner
we communicate through computer, we work on it and nonetheless, we store lots of important details in computers
we should search an alternate that can help us not to be handicapped in crisis.
we can not ignore the need of computers in today's fast pace growing world
we should not doubt the benefits of computers.
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IELTS examiners don't like pronouns as subject for a sentence. When one pronoun like 'we' is used too much, they can easily figure it out. So keep in mind not to use pronouns a lot, you may use Passive voice sometimes, for example:
we were recording all the data on paper
all the data were be recording on paper
or use it as less as possible:
we communicate through computer, we work on it and nonetheless, we store lots of important details in computers
we communicate through computers, work on computers and nonetheless store lots of important details in computers //share one 'we'
or change the style:
we should search an alternate that can help us not to be handicapped in crisis.
an alternate should be on the way that can help us not to be handicapped in crisis.
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The essay can reach 7.5 in actual exam we believe. We give 7.0 just want to remind you the issue.
testbig support #6
I appreciate your strict
I appreciate your strict evaluation and I expect the same in the future too. My query was the result of your evaluation only. Thank you so much for elaborating the issues with the solutions. I understood the area of improvements better now.
Once again, thanks a lot...
Regards
Bhumika
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 429, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...y ask a thought. However, my inclination goes against the thought of to be remain...
^^
Line 3, column 440, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ed space to store the data. To exemplify , the death and birth records of any coun...
^^
Line 5, column 96, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... of different modes like mails, messages , and other useful communication applicat...
^^
Line 5, column 171, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...pplication like skype. With the help of this devices, the time of communication has ...
^^^^
Line 5, column 452, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... to 3 days to reach at rural areas while today with the introduction of computers...
^^
Line 7, column 663, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...cal or mechanical fault, it can ruin all the efforts of the person. Under the lig...
^^
Line 9, column 197, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[1]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'a time' or simply 'times'?
Suggestion: a time; times
...n computer can disrupt our routine many a times, I strongly believe we should not doubt...
^^^^^^^
Discourse Markers used:
['also', 'but', 'however', 'if', 'look', 'moreover', 'nonetheless', 'second', 'so', 'while', 'as to', 'for example']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.222996515679 0.247107183377 90% => OK
Verbs: 0.165505226481 0.155533422707 106% => OK
Adjectives: 0.0731707317073 0.0946595960268 77% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0505226480836 0.0501214627716 101% => OK
Pronouns: 0.0679442508711 0.0437548338989 155% => Less pronouns wanted. Try not to use 'you, I, they, he...' as the subject of a sentence
Prepositions: 0.135888501742 0.122226691241 111% => OK
Participles: 0.0470383275261 0.0403226058552 117% => OK
Conjunctions: 2.6131861629 2.80594681477 93% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0348432055749 0.0326793684256 107% => OK
Particles: 0.00348432055749 0.00163938923432 213% => OK
Determiners: 0.0836236933798 0.0861772015684 97% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.0243902439024 0.021408717616 114% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.01393728223 0.011925033212 117% => OK
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 3031.0 1933.35771543 157% => OK
No of words: 526.0 316.048096192 166% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.76235741445 6.12580529183 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.78901763229 4.20517956788 114% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.319391634981 0.374742101984 85% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.249049429658 0.28420135186 88% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.171102661597 0.203846283523 84% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.117870722433 0.137316102897 86% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.6131861629 2.80594681477 93% => OK
Unique words: 280.0 176.037074148 159% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.532319391635 0.56093040696 95% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
Word variations: 65.3399719731 60.7387585426 108% => OK
How many sentences: 23.0 16.0891783567 143% => OK
Sentence length: 22.8695652174 20.7743622355 110% => OK
Sentence length SD: 55.9342038531 49.517814964 113% => OK
Chars per sentence: 131.782608696 127.492653851 103% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.8695652174 20.7743622355 110% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.521739130435 0.814263465372 64% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.38877755511 114% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 3.99599198397 175% => OK
Readability: 47.7745081832 49.1944974215 97% => OK
Elegance: 1.42944785276 1.69124875643 85% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.345458395096 0.332605444948 104% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.0916243277964 0.102741220458 89% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.047333641593 0.0668466124924 71% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.500379071825 0.534860350844 94% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.142976043939 0.148594505496 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.133218990219 0.134430193775 99% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0646398329574 0.0742795772207 87% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.446071452144 0.324371583561 138% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.0405243152761 0.0638462369009 63% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.251683767406 0.228012699653 110% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.051836535177 0.058150111329 89% => OK
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.68436873747 104% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 3.9879759519 201% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 3.41683366733 176% => OK
Positive topic words: 8.0 5.90881763527 135% => OK
Negative topic words: 7.0 2.5751503006 272% => OK
Neutral topic words: 5.0 1.9629258517 255% => OK
Total topic words: 20.0 10.4468937876 191% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
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Rates: 73.0337078652 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 6.5 Out of 9
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.