5. Do you think the students should spend more time learning technology or music and art?
Throughout history people’s lifestyle constantly has changed, unfortunately now a days industrial revolution and improvement the technology change and limit the communication between people. Also people have faced with new problems that aren’t educated for them and it put them on pressure. I think art and music are good devices to help people to conserve their social communication and it can shed their stresses. I think it is better to spend more time learning music and art due to some reason, 2 of which I will explore in below essay.
The remarkable reason that I want to elaborate on is that the influences of the music and art in compare to the technology has many instructive effects on their lifestyle. Learning technology oblige them spend more time using computer or cellphone, and this instruments are so addictive, the social network, Internet network are so fascinating especially for students and they provide the users all kind of information and entertainment, it cause that they don’t need to communicate with other people and the internet facilities can satisfy them. But nobody can put down the communications’ significant on the people’s health, as being together is a basic human nature need. 10 years ago a research conducted by a psychological center in Tehran that depicted people who more used technology especially in young age are more vulnerable to depression deceases, they stated that they cannot have a good relation in their workplace, most of them had experienced anxious and nervous times in social places, and prefer to be alone or just beside few familiar people. I think they can boost their social relation using the art and music and find many good friends.
The second noteworthy reason is that learning music and art in early ages is easier and if they want to continue in these majors they have more chance to be successful and consequently can be renowned in young age. Furthermore scientist have said that: ”the art and music develop children’s mind to be more ready for mathematical problems.” So music and art, in addition of providing enjoyable time for them, is like an exercise for their brains. It is indisputable that we need professional engineers, and experts in technology, but as its disadvantages outweigh its advantages it is better that student pay more attention to music and art as the devises that can safe their lifestyle. And if they are interested in technology they should continue by technology major.
In brief, as abovementioned reasons, learning music and art has priority over learning technology. Learning music and art help them be sociable persons, and it can control their stress as the music and art affect positively on brain and soul. Furthermore it boost their ability in mathematics so they should learn technology beside or after music or art learning.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 82, Rule ID: NOW_A_DAYS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'nowadays'?
Suggestion: nowadays
...e constantly has changed, unfortunately now a days industrial revolution and improvement t...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 86, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[1]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'a day' or simply 'days'?
Suggestion: a day; days
...nstantly has changed, unfortunately now a days industrial revolution and improvement t...
^^^^^^
Line 1, column 197, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...limit the communication between people. Also people have faced with new problems tha...
^^^^
Line 3, column 442, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'causes'?
Suggestion: causes
...nd of information and entertainment, it cause that they don't need to communicat...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 216, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Furthermore,
...sequently can be renowned in young age. Furthermore scientist have said that: 'the art...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 302, Rule ID: ADMIT_ENJOY_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the gerund form: 'mind being'.
Suggestion: mind being
...e art and music develop children's mind to be more ready for mathematical problems.&a...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 244, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Furthermore,
...rt affect positively on brain and soul. Furthermore it boost their ability in mathematics s...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 259, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'boosts'?
Suggestion: boosts
...ively on brain and soul. Furthermore it boost their ability in mathematics so they sh...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 365, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... beside or after music or art learning.
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, furthermore, if, second, so, i think, in addition, in brief, kind of
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 15.1003584229 126% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 9.8082437276 143% => OK
Conjunction : 34.0 13.8261648746 246% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 13.0 11.0286738351 118% => OK
Pronoun: 55.0 43.0788530466 128% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 51.0 52.1666666667 98% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 8.0752688172 124% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2417.0 1977.66487455 122% => OK
No of words: 468.0 407.700716846 115% => OK
Chars per words: 5.16452991453 4.8611393121 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.65116196802 4.48103885553 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.06342227425 2.67179642975 115% => OK
Unique words: 232.0 212.727598566 109% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.495726495726 0.524837075471 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 762.3 618.680645161 123% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 9.59856630824 63% => OK
Article: 4.0 3.08781362007 130% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 7.0 1.86738351254 375% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 4.94265232975 61% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 20.6003584229 78% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 29.0 20.1344086022 144% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 91.2215495031 48.9658058833 186% => OK
Chars per sentence: 151.0625 100.406767564 150% => OK
Words per sentence: 29.25 20.6045352989 142% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.8125 5.45110844103 107% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.5376344086 163% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 11.8709677419 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.88709677419 20% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.345787149139 0.236089414692 146% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.13465250456 0.076458572812 176% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0827786068914 0.0737576698707 112% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.245428167629 0.150856017488 163% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0395731282907 0.0645574589148 61% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.5 11.7677419355 149% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 42.04 58.1214874552 72% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 6.10430107527 183% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.6 10.1575268817 144% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.24 10.9000537634 121% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.12 8.01818996416 114% => OK
difficult_words: 120.0 86.8835125448 138% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 10.002688172 120% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.6 10.0537634409 135% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 10.247311828 137% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.