8.As modern life becomes more complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

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8.As modern life becomes more complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

When it comes to the planning and organizing issues, controversy surrounds the issue of whether one of the rigors of modern life is its complexity, which makes young adults have specialization in devising comprehensive plan and organization or not. Some people are of the opinion that technology has made life much easier in comparison with the life situation in the past. I believe, however, our goals will not be fulfilled unless we have abilities to organize long-term and reasonable plan for some reasons.

One of the most interesting aspects of the current issue which demands a keen contemplation is that if a young person wants to successful in gaining a trustworthy job, he requires to plan accurately. By passing times, all eligible applicants have faced highly tight competition while applying for decent careers. What facilitates to win such valuable chance would be to have expertise in various fields related to the career. This demands a long-term plan. For example, a freshman, majoring in computer engineering, should know that he needs to expand the scope of his knowledge by attending some classes such as designing the web pages, to become skilful in network, and learning Java. All these that cannot be achieved within a short time should be organized by arranging the plans step by step.

Another noteworthy aspect of the ongoing discussion which should be reflected is that planning can create strong concentration for a young adult. Think about some young people who are used to postponing their projects and other tasks for the last minutes due to allocating their times surfing the Internet, checking Facebook page. Since they have no organized procedure to follow their specific tasks, facing such huge homework would be undeniable. When they start doing their assigned jobs, they will be overwhelmed with stress and anxiety the source of distraction. Under this circumstances, having poor peformance and being afraid of encountering new situation are the results of lack of organization and planning. However, if they set priorities over their jobs according to a proper plan, they can preform productively and remove comfortably all mistakes while facing them.

To sum up, one of the obvious features of today's life is its complexity that forces the youngsters to develop planning and organizational skills in order to get decent professions and have effective performance. Otherwise, they cannot make achievement.

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Sentence: Under this circumstances, having poor peformance and being afraid of encountering new situation are the results of lack of organization and planning.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and circumstances

they will be overwhelmed with stress and anxiety the source of distraction.
they will be overwhelmed with stress and anxiety by the source of distraction.

Sentence: Under this circumstances, having poor peformance and being afraid of encountering new situation are the results of lack of organization and planning.
Error: peformance Suggestion: performance

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 390 350
No. of Characters: 2015 1500
No. of Different Words: 238 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.444 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.167 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.845 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 148 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 82 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.941 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.527 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.353 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.282 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.476 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.072 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

Dear teacher,

For this sentence: they will be overwhelmed with stress and anxiety which are the source of distraction. ==> they will be overwhelmed with stress and anxiety the source of distraction.
I use reduction form of adjective clause, is it wrong?

thank you so much.