Nowadays, children rely too much on the technology, like computers, smartphone, video games for fun and entertainment; playing simpler toys or playing outside with friends would be better for children's development.
By and large, it's established beyond the doubt that children are the cornerstone of the society and need to be considered deeply. The games and entertainments of the children should be evaluated precisely with their parents; The parents have to evaluate the whole aspects of any thing which is related to their children. As mater of the fact, today, children are faced with the development technology which prepare the variety subjects for palying. It is noticeable to be mentioned that this develompent in the technology is very critical factor for upbringing the children. After regarding different factors into consideration, I do not agree that the traditional games such as playing with toys or outside with friends are more better for development of children. In the following, I will elaborate more details about my point of view.
The first exquisite points need to be mentioned is that according to the development of technology, the children should be developed, in the future, children will live in the super development society, so, their ability, thinking way, motivation and so on should be trained accordence of this factor. The camputer games have been organized based on the information which is crutial for children. A plethora of scientists are of the conviction that children need to concentrate of eery things and think about them, these games prepare the best situation for them to develop their ability and flourish their talent. In this context, parents have critical roles to monitor their children development and enhance them. What's more, the traditional games never help the children to be successful and broad their horizon knowledge. Thus, these technology will enhance the ability of children in the countless subjects.
There is another factor that deserves some words is that majority of people believe that the technology make the children lazy and the lack of excersice and sport in their schedule is significantly considreable. According to the survey has been conducted by experts demonstrated that the children which playing with computer are healther that othe children which playing traditionaly. The reasults expressed that if parents control the games and provide the novel games which are up to date, these lack has been eleminated. Today we have games that not only need to play in the yard but also the children can play with their friends and in a group and finally the game analyzes the children ability and amount of energy they used.
To put it all in nutshell, by considering all of the aforementioned reasons, I totally support this notion that thechnology will develop their children in many subjects and it is very useful.
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Comments
With the advance in…
With the advance in technology, the ways of recreation for children are getting more and more diverse and have a digitalized trend. However, games that do not rely on the cybernetic space, such as playing chess or hanging out with friends, also deserve our attention because compared with entertainment relying on technology, those that do not are better for children's development physically and mentally.
The first benefit is that playing with simpler toys that do not rely too much on technology is better for children's physical health. The study, conducted by Children Health Centre in 2020, revealed that the time children spend on high-tech devices, such as computer games and smartphones, is much higher than the time playing outside.
And further investigations state that compared with children who spend more time playing outside, those who do not are more at risk of suffering from myopia and other eye diseases. Also, Children who indulge themselves with digital screens not only have problems with their eyes but also with their spines. This is primarily due to poor posture while playing computer games. It leads to the excessive inward curvature of their spines, which is detrimental to their body growth. Therefore, the experts from the aforementioned study highly suggested that playing outside and sports can have a positive impact on preventing children's bodies from these physical health issues.
In addition to improving physical health, children can also be great beneficiaries of their psychological development if they play outside with friends. On the one hand, there is many of junk information and temptations in computer games, such as violence, porn, crimes, bleeding scenes, etc. As the saying goings, monkey see monkey do. Children are too young to tell right from wrong and can be easily deceived by the cybernetic space. On the other hand, in terms of playing outside with friends, children can have opportunities to have a real connection with the world instead of chatting with a profile on the screen, where they can confront their shyness and communicate with friends by using multiple ways of communication, such as eye contact, body languages, and even tones of speaking. By doing so, children are more likely to have a comprehensive understanding of communication and interpersonal relationship, which is the cornerstone leading to healthy psychological development.
Admittedly, some people may think that playing high-tech games asks for higher intelligence. But actually, I think playing with low-tech toys or playing outside can also foster creativity and observation as digital toys do, which can further strengthen their comprehensive cognitive skills. Simple toys do not mean that you do not need to rely on intelligence and creativity. Taking chess as an example, though the rules of chess are simple, the ways of winning the games are not easy. There are trillions of strategies to untie a dilemma during the games. The simpler the rule, the harder it is to play it well.
To sum up, playing with simpler toys or playing outside is always a better choice for children's physical and psychological development. A world where children could spend most of their time playing outside with friends and not rely heavily on technology would be a beneficial one for them.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 276, Rule ID: ANY_BODY[2]
Message: Did you mean 'anything'?
Suggestion: anything
...s have to evaluate the whole aspects of any thing which is related to their children. As ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 726, Rule ID: MOST_COMPARATIVE[2]
Message: Use only 'better' (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
Suggestion: better
...g with toys or outside with friends are more better for development of children. In the fol...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 716, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: What's
... children development and enhance them. Whats more, the traditional games never help ...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 832, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this technology' or 'these technologies'?
Suggestion: this technology; these technologies
...nd broad their horizon knowledge. Thus, these technology will enhance the ability of children in...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 43, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
... put it all in nutshell, by considering all of the aforementioned reasons, I totally suppo...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, if, regarding, so, thus, such as, by and large
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 15.1003584229 166% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 9.8082437276 122% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 13.8261648746 123% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 11.0286738351 172% => OK
Pronoun: 43.0 43.0788530466 100% => OK
Preposition: 61.0 52.1666666667 117% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 8.0752688172 161% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2250.0 1977.66487455 114% => OK
No of words: 435.0 407.700716846 107% => OK
Chars per words: 5.1724137931 4.8611393121 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.56690854021 4.48103885553 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.80142650939 2.67179642975 105% => OK
Unique words: 208.0 212.727598566 98% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.47816091954 0.524837075471 91% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 693.9 618.680645161 112% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 9.59856630824 94% => OK
Article: 8.0 3.08781362007 259% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.94265232975 162% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.6003584229 83% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 20.1344086022 124% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 58.3816343118 48.9658058833 119% => OK
Chars per sentence: 132.352941176 100.406767564 132% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.5882352941 20.6045352989 124% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.29411764706 5.45110844103 79% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.5376344086 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 11.8709677419 76% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.88709677419 82% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.305261908936 0.236089414692 129% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.113158112637 0.076458572812 148% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.075934509654 0.0737576698707 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.189651924719 0.150856017488 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0978833333955 0.0645574589148 152% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.7 11.7677419355 133% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 58.1214874552 79% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 6.10430107527 183% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 10.1575268817 128% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.0 10.9000537634 119% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.76 8.01818996416 109% => OK
difficult_words: 107.0 86.8835125448 123% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 10.002688172 120% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 10.0537634409 119% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.247311828 117% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.