Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness. Others, however, believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is no doubt that the majority of people would like to be happy in their lives. For this reason, some people argue that money is by far the most important aspect to be completely happiness while critics claim that happiness cannot be determined by money. However, I personally believe that every person has different personal nature of happiness, and has different crucial factor to result in joy and rejoice.
For some people, money is that the be-all and end-all for achieving happiness because they believe that the more money they have, the more happiness they gain because in these days the cost of living in cosmopolitan cities is expensive. For example, having a comfortable home spends on much money, and parents have to allocate much money to pay tuition fees for children’s education. Result shows that more than 20 billion per year has to waste so as to fulfil basic survival needs for people who live in big cities. However, money cannot purchase a sense of belonging for some children who come from nuclear families. They have much money but their live is completely isolated. Consequently, money can be used to pay some non-durable happiness, but it cannot guarantee people to live in happiness forever.
On the other hand, I fundamentally believe that many people cannot find happiness because life is completely isolation due to poor communication with family and friends although they are prosperity. This situation addresses some children who are lack sense of belonging from their parents, and they resort into drugs. Some wealthy parents believe that money that they are given to their children can be used to have fun and spoil themselves, but in the reality children need snuggle and affection from their parents. As a consequence, approximately 20% of children who have working parents tend to spend their rest of the time in the children care with nanny or driver. Standing in contrast, the situation will be vice versa for teenagers who are living under poverty line. Most of them have a will to continue their study in the university but the high rates of course cost stop them to get higher education. All in all, money can be useful depends on the situation that is different for every person.
In conclusion, money can bring joy and happiness only in the short time because creating happiness in people lives cannot be bought by financial matters. Having said and that, happiness can be reached not only having much money, but also maintaining good communication with family. Where possible, I strongly believe that happiness could be reached when people have shelter, food and companion to complete their lives.
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to be completely happiness
to be completely happy
has different crucial factor
has different crucial factors
because life is completely isolation
because life is completely an isolation
because life is completely isolated
although they are prosperity
although they are prosperous
some children who are lack sense of belonging from their parents
some children who lack sense of belongings from their parents
money can be useful depends on the situation
money which can be useful depends on the situation
money can be useful to depend on the situation
Sentence: In conclusion, money can bring joy and happiness only in the short time because creating happiness in people lives cannot be bought by financial matters.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to people and lives
Sentence: Result shows that more than 20 billion per year has to waste so as to fulfil basic survival needs for people who live in big cities.
Error: fulfil Suggestion: fulfill
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 442 350
No. of Characters: 2161 1500
No. of Different Words: 212 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.585 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.889 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.491 2.4
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No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 73 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.263 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.874 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.737 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.342 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.513 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.095 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5