Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In this contemporary world, studies on advanced medical science and its related technological development has become indispensable. Countries like US and UK are investing extravagant money for the development of modern medical technologies and the ways of doing it. However, some people argue that the allotted budget should be effectively utilized in health education rather than technologies. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the argument and opine my view.
To begin with, there are plentiful reasons to support the notion that the public should be taught about the about their well-being. First and foremost is the creation of awareness among people about the various diseases and their causes and effects. Government should invest money for conducting seminars on healthiness, telecasting health awareness commercials and posting numerous fitness related advertisement banners across the country. To exemplify, if people are mindful of condoms and its application, then they will utilize it effectively and hence the disease named “AIDS” could be completely eliminated from the country. Secondly, the government should promote exercise as a primary tool for people’s healthy life. There is a saying that “ a person with an active body will be free from illness”. Hence, the government should build manifold gyms in the nook and corner of the territory and indulge public by subsidizing monthly fees at free of cost for their active participation.
On the other hand, consuming tremendous value of cash for the advancement in medical science, do come with lucrative impacts. First, epidemic diseases like AIDS and Ebola do not have a proper medicine. Till now, thousands of people have lost their lives due to these illnesses. Hence, the government has to invest loads of money in the research and development of pharmaceuticals for the above diseases. Secondly, Owing to numerous technological advancement in the medical field in this present era, advanced treatments such as kidney and heart transplantation, heart and plastic surgeries have become possible. Its primary credit goes to government’s contribution to allocate high budgets for the development of new technologies.
To conclude, while being aware of diseases and its causes and doing proper workouts may reduce the day-to-day diseases from getting affected, but not the epidemics. Likewise, advanced technologies, surgical instruments and modern medicines may be suitable for epidemics, but cannot stop a young one from being prone to small diseases. Hence, I assert that government should encourage a budget that assigns money for both health education and medical advancement, which would be a better solution for enhancing mankind’s longevity.
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studies on advanced medical science and its related technological development has become indispensable.
Description: what is the verb for 'studies'? can you re-write this sentence?
the public should be taught about the about their well-being.
the public should be taught about their well-beings.
First and foremost is the creation of awareness
First and foremost, it is the creation of awareness
consuming tremendous value of cash for the advancement in medical science, do come with lucrative impacts.
consuming tremendous value of cash for the advancement in medical science, does come with lucrative impacts.
flaws:
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Sentence Length SD: 5.576 7.5
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
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No. of Words: 418 350
No. of Characters: 2257 1500
No. of Different Words: 231 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.522 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.4 4.6
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No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 135 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 97 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 63 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.9 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.576 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.65 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.287 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.474 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.053 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5