In surveys Mason City residents rank water sports (swimming, boating and fishing) among their favorite recreational activities. The Mason River flowing through the city is rarely used for these pursuits, however, and the city park department devotes little of its budget to maintaining riverside recreational facilities. For years there have been complaints from residents about the quality of the river's water and the river's smell. In response, the state has recently announced plans to clean up Mason River. Use of the river for water sports is therefore sure to increase. The city government should for that reason devote more money in this year's budget to riverside recreational facilities.
The author argues that more money should be allocated to riverside recreational activities. The argument rests on a multitude of assumptions, which are neither stated nor verified thoroughly. Firstly, the argument assumes the validity of the surveys conducted. Furthermore, it has an unwarranted conviction that cleaning the river would imply increased recreational activities. Thirdly, the author has complete faith on the state government to complete the cleaning process in time. Lastly, the author believes that increasing the budget allocated to recreational activities would alleviate the problem.
There is an impertinent use of vague language in the first line of the argument, when it claims that "in surveys" the citizens of Mason City rank water sports highly on the scale of recreational activities. We do not know how recent these surveys are. It is probable that these surveys have been conducted much earlier than today, and hence have been rendered useless now. The rise of Michael Phelps led to a boom in interests in swimming in his home country when he won the Olympic Gold. Usain Bolt winning the gold medal was a similar sensation. It is possible that the aforementioned surveys were conducted at a time when there was a spike in the popularity of water sports. It is also possible that the surveys were conducted among the upper factions of the society who have frequent water parks and indulge in other aquatic recreational activities. To remedy this, there needs to be an analysis of the demographics of the people who took part in the surveys, as well as the time frame in which the surveys were conducted.
Secondly, there is a strong assumption that cleaning up the river would lead to more sports activity. There exists a diverse set of reasons why people would avoid a particular river for swimming, boating, fishing etc. Maybe the river is known to house dangerous reptiles along the shores, who are particularly active now. Maybe the river waters are too tumultous for swimming or boating. Often popular opinion about a particular activity can be shaped by some unusually negative event. It may be possible that someone drowned or was hurt badly - while performing recreational activities in the river - which led to people shying away from the river. The past history of fish breeding in the river waters should be looked at. Also, the movement of crocodiles and other large reptiles should be tracked along the shores, to understand the exact cause of inactivity.
Governments over make claims that they cannot practically deliver on. The cleaning of a river that has been stagnating since long seems to be an ambitious endeavor. Hence one should exercise caution while planning actions that depend on the success of this undertaking. It is possible that the river is being polluted by multiple industries and households. Negotiating with all these varied entities would like take a lot of time and encounter a lot of failures. Even with everyone's consent, cleaning a river is a painstaking process, that is effected over a long duration of time. Whats more, the access points to the river may have been blocked by numerous building sprouting here and there. This may cause the general public to avoid the river just because it is hard to reach from the city. Hence, even if all the other factors work out, allocating a lot of budget solely to the development of recreational activities may not pay a high dividend. There needs to be a listing of all roads leading to the river from the city and a congestion check on those roads. The environment around the river also needs to be checked for pollution. This implies that a more sensible approach to allocating the budget would be to spend some of the resources on the supplementary aspects also.
Following the above lines of reasoning, it is seen that the Author's conclusion is certainly premature. The argument can be drastically strengthened if all of the aforementioned suggestions are implemented and the evidences are collected.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2020-01-29 | jason123 | 66 | view |
| 2020-01-26 | jason123 | 59 | view |
| 2020-01-20 | Ammu helen | 16 | view |
| 2020-01-17 | ramji90 | 82 | view |
| 2020-01-13 | shekhawat24 | 49 | view |
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: Maybe the river waters are too tumultous for swimming or boating.
Error: tumultous Suggestion: tumultuous
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argument 1 -- not OK. In GRE, we don't cast doubts on the survey itself.
we need to put surveys and conclusion together, and then argue :
In surveys Mason City residents rank water sports (swimming, boating and fishing) among their favorite recreational activities.
The city government should for that reason devote more money in this year's budget to riverside recreational facilities.
we may argue like:
if devoting more money in this year's budget to riverside recreational facilities, then other recreational facilities will get less money. and maybe more people (suppose 90%) like other recreational activities.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- somehow duplicated to argument 2
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 35 15
No. of Words: 666 350
No. of Characters: 3289 1500
No. of Different Words: 315 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.08 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.938 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.73 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 225 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 182 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 132 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 81 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.029 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.963 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.514 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.25 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.429 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.084 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 166, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...long seems to be an ambitious endeavor. Hence one should exercise caution while plann...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 583, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: What's
... effected over a long duration of time. Whats more, the access points to the river ma...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 714, Rule ID: GENERAL_XX[1]
Message: Use simply 'public'.
Suggestion: public
...ting here and there. This may cause the general public to avoid the river just because it is h...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 1226, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...allocating the budget would be to spend some of the resources on the supplementary aspects ...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 1277, Rule ID: ALSO_SENT_END[1]
Message: 'Also' is not used at the end of the sentence. Use 'as well' instead.
Suggestion: as well
... resources on the supplementary aspects also. Following the above lines of reason...
^^^^
Line 9, column 152, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...ment can be drastically strengthened if all of the aforementioned suggestions are implemen...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, firstly, furthermore, hence, if, lastly, look, may, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, well, while, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 41.0 19.6327345309 209% => Less to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 25.0 13.6137724551 184% => OK
Pronoun: 37.0 28.8173652695 128% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 88.0 55.5748502994 158% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3373.0 2260.96107784 149% => OK
No of words: 666.0 441.139720559 151% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.06456456456 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.08005667302 4.56307096286 111% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.81690984693 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 331.0 204.123752495 162% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.496996996997 0.468620217663 106% => OK
syllable_count: 1070.1 705.55239521 152% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 36.0 19.7664670659 182% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 35.1076277281 57.8364921388 61% => OK
Chars per sentence: 93.6944444444 119.503703932 78% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.5 23.324526521 79% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.66666666667 5.70786347227 64% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 14.0 6.88822355289 203% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.181764661251 0.218282227539 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0405448531536 0.0743258471296 55% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0482088519004 0.0701772020484 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0862120775588 0.128457276422 67% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0597666131383 0.0628817314937 95% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.7 14.3799401198 81% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 48.3550499002 110% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.07 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.46 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 166.0 98.500998004 169% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 12.3882235529 61% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.