The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of video rental stores.
“In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore’s ten video rental stores. Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits. Last month our store in downtown Marston significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6:00 P.M. rather than 9:00 P.M. and by reducing its stock by eliminating all movies released more than five years ago. Therefore, in order to increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering great movies at low prices, we recommend implementing similar changes in our other nine Movies Galore stores.”
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The passage states that all the Movies Galore stores ought to implement some changes in order to reverse the recent decline in their profits, and the best way of doing so is to follow the example stablished by one of it’s stores, that reduced the operating expenses. However, this conclusion is rife with holes and assumptions, and more information is needed in order to provide an adequate solution the company’s problem.
First of all, the author claims that, once the Movies Galore are famous for their special bargains, increasing the rental prices is not an option to raise the income and, therefore, raise the profits. But this statement fails to provide sufficient information in order to analyze the viability of that solution. If the special bargains, that are said to attract the public, are based on prices that are ridiculously smaller than the ones charged by the similar video rental stores, then maybe there is a margin to increase the prices and still keep competitive prices, without affecting the public opinion regarding the special bargains offered by the Movies Galore.
Secondly, the author’s conclusion lays on the flawed assumption that reducing operating expenses will not affect the rentals. The downtown store started closing 6:00 PM rather than 9:00 PM. In spite of the fact that this change did decrase the operating costs of that store, it may have affected the total income of the rentals. Moreover, if this decision was taken withou taking into consideration the ammount of rentals in specific hours of the day, maybe the profits will decline more. The author would benefit from bringing more information regarding this issue, such as the impact that this change had on the store’s profit.
To top it all, it is mentioned in the passage that the stores should reduce the stock of all movies realeased more than five years ago. However, older movies could be good sources of income. If people like to go to the Movies Galore precisely because of it’s collection of the classic movies, then this change would degrade even more the company’s recipes, and the author’s conclusion would drive the organization situation that could be far worse tha now.
In other words, the passage reasoning fails in providing enough evidence that would persuade more critic readers to agree with the sugested changes in the Movies Galore stores. More information is needed in order to make a smart and effective decision regarding this issue.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: The passage states that all the Movies Galore stores ought to implement some changes in order to reverse the recent decline in their profits, and the best way of doing so is to follow the example stablished by one of it's stores, that reduced the operating expenses.
Error: stablished Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: In spite of the fact that this change did decrase the operating costs of that store, it may have affected the total income of the rentals.
Error: decrase Suggestion: decrease
Sentence: Moreover, if this decision was taken withou taking into consideration the ammount of rentals in specific hours of the day, maybe the profits will decline more.
Error: ammount Suggestion: amount
Error: withou Suggestion: without
Sentence: To top it all, it is mentioned in the passage that the stores should reduce the stock of all movies realeased more than five years ago.
Error: realeased Suggestion: released
Sentence: If people like to go to the Movies Galore precisely because of it's collection of the classic movies, then this change would degrade even more the company's recipes, and the author's conclusion would drive the organization situation that could be far worse tha now.
Error: tha Suggestion: than
Sentence: In other words, the passage reasoning fails in providing enough evidence that would persuade more critic readers to agree with the sugested changes in the Movies Galore stores.
Error: sugested Suggestion: suggested
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- not OK. we may argue like: It works for location A, it may not work for location B.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 409 350
No. of Characters: 2004 1500
No. of Different Words: 205 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.497 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.9 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.409 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 159 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 104 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 60 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 37 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.267 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.036 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.867 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.333 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.593 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.049 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 40, Rule ID: LAYS_ATOP[1]
Message: Did you mean 'lies on'?
Suggestion: lies on
... Secondly, the author's conclusion lays on the flawed assumption that reducing ope...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, however, if, may, moreover, regarding, second, secondly, so, still, then, therefore, such as, first of all, in other words, in spite of
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 52.0 55.5748502994 94% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2087.0 2260.96107784 92% => OK
No of words: 407.0 441.139720559 92% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.12776412776 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.49157444576 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.59901854621 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 218.0 204.123752495 107% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.535626535627 0.468620217663 114% => OK
syllable_count: 649.8 705.55239521 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 79.7299330379 57.8364921388 138% => OK
Chars per sentence: 139.133333333 119.503703932 116% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.1333333333 23.324526521 116% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.8 5.70786347227 172% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.310868423795 0.218282227539 142% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0923168643071 0.0743258471296 124% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0546775904767 0.0701772020484 78% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.163627885506 0.128457276422 127% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0231908968338 0.0628817314937 37% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.3 14.3799401198 113% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 44.07 48.3550499002 91% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.77 12.5979740519 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.32 8.32208582834 112% => OK
difficult_words: 112.0 98.500998004 114% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.0 12.3882235529 145% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.