The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of video rental stores.
Argument Topic :“In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore’s ten video rental stores. Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits. Last month our store in downtown Marston significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6:00 P.M. rather than 9:00 P.M. and by reducing its stock by eliminating all movies released more than five years ago. Therefore, in order to increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering great movies at low prices, we recommend implementing similar changes in our other nine Movies Galore stores.”
it might seem axiomatic that the owner of movies galore should expend less in order to increase profits of movies galore (mg) without jeopardizing their reputation. To justify this, the owner makes several assumptions that cannot be taken for granted.
As a threshold matter, the owner of mg hastily assumes that every chain of movie-rental stores will have the same consequences after the reduction of the operating expenses. Although this might be the case, it is possible that only relatively young people are willing to borrow movies from mg. it is such a plausible case since mg is famous for their special bargains. When the young people in marston is just willing to watch certain movies which have released within five years, the case is getting more plausible. however, the case cannot be applied to all the chain stores. since people in every regions are differ from each other, one cannot regard the people in the region as the same as that in marston. it might be problematic if some chain stores are closing by 6:00 P.M., or reducing its stock. thus, one cannot just think that reducing the available time and movies increases the total profits.
Even conceding that every environmental situations surrounding chain of movie-rental stores are indifferent with marston, the argument is still vulnerable in that it relies on unfair assumption: reducing its stock help the total profits of the store. since every stores are charged to rent certain movies, reducing its stock cannot help to cut down their expenses. Eventually rented goods would returned most of the time, it does not affect any running expense of stores. therefore, reducing its stock by eliminating all movies released more than five years ago is totally unnecessary. Moreover, it can also harm the reputation of the mg. thus, it is not appropriate to contract the movie stock.
Finally, the argument is still dubious in that it unfairly assumes that the leaning is uniform through all the seasons. however, one can fairly think that movie rental business is somewhat seasonal issue. since it is related to the free time activity, majority of movie rental businesses are more prospective in vacational season than that of non-vacational season. But the reduction of prospects of movie rental businesses are related to only workers. if marston in last month is the case in which is the vacational season so that workers can borrow their movies before 6 P.M., the case cannot be regarded as the general case that can be adapted elsewhere. if this circumstances occur, the mg cannot make more profit by cutting expenses of running stores, since many workers might regress their way back to home with no movies rented. thus, the conclusion mentioned in the statement cannot be regarded as true.
In sum, since numerous assumptions that are unwarranted are applied to this argument, it remains fragile in its form. therefore, assumptions discussed in the essay should be accounted in order to make a proper choice.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
The arguments are somehow duplicated.
also need to argue:
'Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits. '
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 498 350
No. of Characters: 2432 1500
No. of Different Words: 218 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.724 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.884 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.566 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 182 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 125 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 38.308 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 25.969 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.538 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.364 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.626 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.107 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
it might seem axiomatic that the owner of ...
^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ns that cannot be taken for granted. As a threshold matter, the owner of mg h...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 518, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: However
...rs, the case is getting more plausible. however, the case cannot be applied to all the ...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 579, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Since
...not be applied to all the chain stores. since people in every regions are differ from...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 613, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'differed'.
Suggestion: differed
...ores. since people in every regions are differ from each other, one cannot regard the ...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 712, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
... region as the same as that in marston. it might be problematic if some chain stor...
^^
Line 5, column 806, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Thus
...ng by 6:00 P.M., or reducing its stock. thus, one cannot just think that reducing th...
^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... movies increases the total profits. Even conceding that every environmental ...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 252, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Since
...ck help the total profits of the store. since every stores are charged to rent certai...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 396, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: 'return'
Suggestion: return
...expenses. Eventually rented goods would returned most of the time, it does not affect an...
^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 473, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Therefore
...t affect any running expense of stores. therefore, reducing its stock by eliminating all ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 11, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...opriate to contract the movie stock. Finally, the argument is still dubious i...
^^^^^
Line 13, column 121, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: However
...ing is uniform through all the seasons. however, one can fairly think that movie rental...
^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 206, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Since
...al business is somewhat seasonal issue. since it is related to the free time activity...
^^^^^
Line 13, column 454, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...businesses are related to only workers. if marston in last month is the case in wh...
^^
Line 13, column 659, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...ral case that can be adapted elsewhere. if this circumstances occur, the mg cannot...
^^
Line 13, column 837, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Thus
...way back to home with no movies rented. thus, the conclusion mentioned in the statem...
^^^^
Line 15, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...tatement cannot be regarded as true. In sum, since numerous assumptions that ...
^^^^^
Line 17, column 119, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Therefore
...gument, it remains fragile in its form. therefore, assumptions discussed in the essay sho...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, however, if, moreover, so, still, therefore, thus
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 31.0 19.6327345309 158% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 20.0 12.9520958084 154% => OK
Conjunction : 3.0 11.1786427146 27% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 40.0 28.8173652695 139% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 63.0 55.5748502994 113% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2523.0 2260.96107784 112% => OK
No of words: 495.0 441.139720559 112% => OK
Chars per words: 5.09696969697 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.71684168287 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.60756827425 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 233.0 204.123752495 114% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.470707070707 0.468620217663 100% => OK
syllable_count: 780.3 705.55239521 111% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 10.0 2.70958083832 369% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 19.7664670659 126% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 47.3797593915 57.8364921388 82% => OK
Chars per sentence: 100.92 119.503703932 84% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.8 23.324526521 85% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.76 5.70786347227 48% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 19.0 5.25449101796 362% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.192785233618 0.218282227539 88% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0594317202206 0.0743258471296 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0486558691754 0.0701772020484 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.110094342213 0.128457276422 86% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0484695099144 0.0628817314937 77% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.5 14.3799401198 87% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.3 12.5979740519 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.22 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 114.0 98.500998004 116% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.