"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
In this letter, the editor concludes that birth order has a significant effects on the levels of individual's stimulation base on a recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys and includes also that the same applies to human being. However, before the persuasiveness of the editor's reasons can be accepted, these three rivalry explanations must be look into.
First of all, species have always been known to have different characteristics because of gene variations. The editor is assuming that all species act the same way, this might not be true. Perharps the same specie of monkeys were used for the study, if different specie of first born monkeys were used, it might not produce the same result. In addition, maybe the monkeys of the same location. Science has proved it that animals tend to grab things easily by social learning. It is possible that new born monkeys from different environment will act differently. If these additional explanations are true, hence the editors arguments hold no water.
Moreover, the editors does not give us enough informations about the kind of firstborn humans that were studied. Humans have different temperamental and sometimes act according to situations of things around them. If firstborn that lacks emotions are studied in the same condition, the result might be totally different. If firstborn, if this is true, the author's argument is weekened.
Finally, so many things determine the situations around pregnancy. The author assumes that everything is the same, this may not be true. Maybe the study was on only on isolated monkeys, stress might increase the level of cortisol, however, this won't be true for a first timer monkey that has all the support needed. If this is true, the author's argument is not compelling.
In conclusion, although the reasons the editor gives to support the claim that birth order has effects on individual's level of stimulation might seem correct but not until the above explantations are giving.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 323 350
No. of Characters: 1617 1500
No. of Different Words: 167 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.239 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.006 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.667 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 116 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 87 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 57 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.944 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.573 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.778 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.31 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.533 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.085 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 73, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'effect'?
Suggestion: effect
...udes that birth order has a significant effects on the levels of individuals stimulatio...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 357, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...ent. If firstborn, if this is true, the authors argument is weekened. Finally, so ma...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 338, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...he support needed. If this is true, the authors argument is not compelling. In concl...
^^^^^^^
Line 11, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... the above explantations are giving.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, hence, however, if, look, may, moreover, so, in addition, in conclusion, kind of, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 3.0 11.1786427146 27% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 23.0 28.8173652695 80% => OK
Preposition: 35.0 55.5748502994 63% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1669.0 2260.96107784 74% => OK
No of words: 322.0 441.139720559 73% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.18322981366 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.23607819155 4.56307096286 93% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73279396946 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 170.0 204.123752495 83% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.527950310559 0.468620217663 113% => OK
syllable_count: 508.5 705.55239521 72% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 49.6992498142 57.8364921388 86% => OK
Chars per sentence: 92.7222222222 119.503703932 78% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.8888888889 23.324526521 77% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.72222222222 5.70786347227 118% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.185313544734 0.218282227539 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0567486922801 0.0743258471296 76% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0774249841896 0.0701772020484 110% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.116482891284 0.128457276422 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0550948263961 0.0628817314937 88% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.9 14.3799401198 83% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 54.22 48.3550499002 112% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.47 12.5979740519 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.4 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 80.0 98.500998004 81% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 54.17 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.25 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.