The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
In this letter, the editor states the correlation between the birth order and the stimulation levels of an individual based on some tenuous evidence and fallacious analogies. first, he cites the result of a recent study on the relevant subject. In addition, he established an analogical relation between the rhesus monkeys and human beings. Furthermore, he points out the cortisol level on pregnant female monkeys. At the first glance, his logic appears to be somewhat acceptable. However, after further scrutiny, I think there are three logical fallacies.
first, the recent examination on eighteen rhesus monkeys may not lead to a justifiable result, given the limited number of samples. whether eighteen is a number statistically significant enough is still under argument. Moreover, these monkeys may not be representative at all if they all come from the same habitants, or share a similar set of genealogical composition.
Secondly, though monkeys have the most similarity with human beings in various aspect, it is reasonable to question whether their hormonal secreting system is valid proximity of ours. thus, more information on the structure of the inner systems of monkeys needs to be provided for further consideration. Besides, the conspicuous differences between the stimulating situations designed for monkeys and humans also put the analogy into question. it is reasonable to assume that the encounter with an unfamiliar monkey and the return of a parent will trigger different levels of the hormone cortisol, since the former situation is most likely to make the monkeys afraid and restive, but the latter makes children happy and cheerful.
Finally, the higher levels of cortisol in the first-time mother monkeys than the rest of mother monkeys may due to several reasons. For example, it may simply due to anxiety and fear, and, thus, the phenomenon of higher hormonal levels will not pass on to its first baby monkey. The alternative explanation may also be the mother monkeys with several offspring are accustomed to deliveries and hide some perceptive symptoms of high cortisol levels, which mislead the investigators to believe that they have a lower level of cortisol.
To sum up, the evidence and assumptions provided for the editor's conclusion that the birth order plays a role in an individual's level of stimulation are not valid. To make his conclusion stronger, he needs to provide more information on the selection criteria on the eighteen monkeys in the study, and state more meticulously on all the factual basis for his analogies.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 409 350
No. of Characters: 2110 1500
No. of Different Words: 216 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.497 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.159 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.815 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 169 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 128 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 84 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.214 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.345 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.929 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.341 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.617 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.121 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 176, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: First
...uous evidence and fallacious analogies. first, he cites the result of a recent study ...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: First
... there are three logical fallacies. first, the recent examination on eighteen rhe...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 133, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Whether
...t, given the limited number of samples. whether eighteen is a number statistically sign...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 133, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “whether” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...t, given the limited number of samples. whether eighteen is a number statistically sign...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 371, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...imilar set of genealogical composition. Secondly, though monkeys have the most s...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 185, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Thus
...ting system is valid proximity of ours. thus, more information on the structure of t...
^^^^
Line 5, column 445, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...ans also put the analogy into question. it is reasonable to assume that the encoun...
^^
Line 9, column 58, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'editors'' or 'editor's'?
Suggestion: editors'; editor's
...idence and assumptions provided for the editors conclusion that the birth order plays a...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, finally, first, furthermore, however, if, may, moreover, second, secondly, so, still, thus, for example, i think, in addition, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 4.0 13.6137724551 29% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 21.0 28.8173652695 73% => OK
Preposition: 59.0 55.5748502994 106% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2168.0 2260.96107784 96% => OK
No of words: 409.0 441.139720559 93% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.30073349633 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.49708221141 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.89295888113 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 223.0 204.123752495 109% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.545232273839 0.468620217663 116% => OK
syllable_count: 686.7 705.55239521 97% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 60.9241838094 57.8364921388 105% => OK
Chars per sentence: 120.444444444 119.503703932 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.7222222222 23.324526521 97% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.66666666667 5.70786347227 152% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.229776354928 0.218282227539 105% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.072480261443 0.0743258471296 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.061584926539 0.0701772020484 88% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.127190068716 0.128457276422 99% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0580471621258 0.0628817314937 92% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.9 14.3799401198 104% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 40.69 48.3550499002 84% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.1 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.76 12.5979740519 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.55 8.32208582834 115% => OK
difficult_words: 125.0 98.500998004 127% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 12.3882235529 61% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.