The following is a recommendation from the city manager of Bridge Bay.
“Last year, the number of visits to our local beach in Bridge Bay was 50 percent lower
than the year before. Early last year we ended our contract with Arko Trash Collection, a
company that had serviced local garbage collection for the past twenty years. We switched
at that time to Satellite Waste Corporation, another trash collection company. In nearby
Ocean Harbor, where Arko has continued to provide garbage collection, the beaches are
experiencing record levels of attendance. Meanwhile, in Bridge Bay, complaints about
garbage on our beach have increased this year. Clearly, inadequate garbage collection on
our beach by Satellite has led to the significant drop in visitors. Therefore, in order to
restore visitor numbers to our local beach, we recommend resuming our contract with
Arko as soon as possible.”
The writer of this argument is the city manager of Bridge Bay who is hypothesizing that the beach's decrease in visitors last year is due to the ending of their contract with Arko Trash Collection. The writer states that last year the attendance was 50% lower than the year before when Arko Trash Collection was working as the garbage collectors. It is also stated that nearby beaches that continue to use Arko Trash Collection are experiencing a high number of visitors. The conclusion of the writer's argument is that in order to increase visitors to Bridge Bay, they need to fire the new garbage collectors Satellite Waste Corporation and resume contract with Arko Trash collection. The author's argument is a good attempt to figure out why attendance has decreased but it is not a valid or reliable argument due to the writer's lack of evidence, use of questionable assumptions and vague terminology; in order to have a reasonable argument the author needs to answer many questions which will be presented in this essay.
It is stated that the attendance of the Bridge Beach by visitors was 50% lower last year than the year before. The author then states that this is due to the ending of the contract with Arko and the beginning of a new contract with Satellite. In order for this assumption to be validated, the author should address questions and define the vague terms used. To begin, how was the number 50% collected? It would be helpful for the writer to state whether this was collected through a reliable survey, because if this number was collected from weekend visitors two years before and then collected from weekday visitors this past year, the number decrease would not be comparable. Additionally, the reader of this argument needs to know the amount of trash that was collected in both years that are being compared. For example, what if two years ago the amount of trash was the same as the last year but in the last year many new beaches opened up in the area? This would suggest that the decrease in visitors was not due to the change in trash collectors but rather due to changes in the greater community.
The writer continues to back up the conclusion with questionable assumptions when it is stated that Ocean Harbor, a nearby beach, that still uses Arko has "record levels of attendance." The author uses this statement in an attempt to prove that the higher levels of visitors are due to Arko being the trash collectors, but again there is no evidence that the higher level of visitors is due to there being less trash. The writer needs to again provide statistics on the amount of trash collected by Arko at Ocean Harbor and provide details on the current state of the beach. For example, what if Ocean Harbor beach has more visitors this year due to the fact that they added rides and a boardwalk full of games? What if Ocean Harbor has calmer waters and offers a full bar and beach side food services? This could be the real reason why Ocean Harbor has more visitors and why Bridge Bay's visitor numbers have dropped. If the author describes the amenities present at each beach and it is proven that their amenities are then same, then demonstrates that there is more trash per square foot on Bridge Bay beach than on Ocean Harbor with valid statistics, then the argument would be stronger and reasonable; sadly, though, this is not the case in the argument presented.
Finally the author uses the argument that there have been an increase in complaints about garbage on Bridge Bay this past year. The author forgets to add vital information here in order to successfully use this statement as proof to the conclusion. Who were those who complained? What if the increase in complaints of trash on the beach is from one single person who calls every day or multiple times a day? In order to have a stronger argument and use the complaints as proof that the decrease in visitors is due to an increase in trash, the writer needs to provide details on the content of the complaints, and how many people are complaining.
In conclusion, it is important to address the garbage problem present on many beaches. In this argument, the city manager of Bridge Bay makes an unsubstantiated claim that their decrease in visitors last year is due to changing garbage collection agencies. The argument presented is not reasonable or reliable as the terms are vague and the assumptions presented have no validity or evidence to back them up. If the writer provides the reader with a comparison in amount of trash on the Bridge Bay beach in both years being compared and connects it to a decrease in visitors then the argument would be stronger. The writer additionally cannot successfully compare Bridge Bay beach to Ocean Harbor beach without discussing the amenities provided in both beaches and the amount of trash present per square foot. Finally the writer should provide more details about who is making complaints and what the content of the complaints are in order to have a stronger argument. With more research and work to answer the presented questions, the city manager will discover that their argument is deeply flawed and will have the chance to strengthen it and hopefully learn the cause of decreased visitors on Bridge Bay Beach.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 32 15
No. of Words: 912 350
No. of Characters: 4289 1500
No. of Different Words: 270 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.495 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.703 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.484 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 291 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 203 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 152 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 82 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.07 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.315 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.466 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.109 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 494, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'writers'' or 'writer's'?
Suggestion: writers'; writer's
...mber of visitors. The conclusion of the writers argument is that in order to increase v...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 689, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...ontract with Arko Trash collection. The authors argument is a good attempt to figure ou...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Finally,
...t the case in the argument presented. Finally the author uses the argument that there...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 88, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...arbage problem present on many beaches. In this argument, the city manager of Brid...
^^
Line 9, column 811, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Finally,
...mount of trash present per square foot. Finally the writer should provide more details ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, if, so, still, then, for example, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 51.0 19.6327345309 260% => Less to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 29.0 11.1786427146 259% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 29.0 13.6137724551 213% => Less relative clauses wanted (maybe 'which' is over used).
Pronoun: 54.0 28.8173652695 187% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 127.0 55.5748502994 229% => Less preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 32.0 16.3942115768 195% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 4366.0 2260.96107784 193% => OK
No of words: 912.0 441.139720559 207% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.78728070175 5.12650576532 93% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.49539241011 4.56307096286 120% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.58442307906 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 290.0 204.123752495 142% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.31798245614 0.468620217663 68% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1340.1 705.55239521 190% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 18.0 8.76447105788 205% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 31.0 19.7664670659 157% => OK
Sentence length: 29.0 22.8473053892 127% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 85.2134859596 57.8364921388 147% => OK
Chars per sentence: 140.838709677 119.503703932 118% => OK
Words per sentence: 29.4193548387 23.324526521 126% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.16129032258 5.70786347227 38% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 17.0 6.88822355289 247% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.294965129227 0.218282227539 135% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.105939161759 0.0743258471296 143% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.103248990965 0.0701772020484 147% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.198953627442 0.128457276422 155% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0814414024988 0.0628817314937 130% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.8 14.3799401198 110% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.5 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.09 12.5979740519 88% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.43 8.32208582834 89% => OK
difficult_words: 136.0 98.500998004 138% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 12.3882235529 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.6 11.1389221557 122% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.