The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.
"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store café in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The argument that by replacing its children's books section with a cafe, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean is not entirely logically convincing as it ignores some crucial assumptions.
Firstly, since Monarch Books had a Large customer base at Collegeville for the last twenty years, the residents who were used to an atmosphere in bookstore might not like the idea or the ambience of a bookstore cum cafe. The residents might be accustomed to the idea that a bookstore and a cafe should be two completely different stores. Monarch Books did not do a survey asking the residents of Collegeville exclusively whether they would like a new concept of bookstore or they would prefer the already existing reader-friendly bookstore.
Secondly, emphasis has been put into the national census data which indicates a significant decline in percentage of the sale of children's books under the age of ten. But, there are no survey which proves that Collegeville has a significant number of residents belonging to the age group below ten. It might be the case that the age group of children in the particular area mainly comprises of older children who prefer books which were written for an older age group of people.
Thirdly, Books and Beans is a company whose stores have always been comprised of a cafeteria and a bookstore and a cafe. Therefore it is quite imminent that they have more experience in designing a store which has the perfect ambience for people to enjoy their books and their beverage at the same time. Monarch Books might lack the expertise to come up with such a store and might loose their business which was strongly active for the past twenty years.
The idea of replacing the children's bookstore with a cafe might backfire severely. In order to compete with their rival company, they should take into consideration about the likes and dislikes of the residents. Surveys should be made about the number of people belonging in certain age groups and therefore adjusting the variety and number of books accordingly. Also, surveys should be made whether there are already flourishing cafes nearby which might lead to the decline in the number of sales in their proposed idea of a bookstore cum cafe.
All in all, the above mentioned crucial points should be taken into consideration by Monarch Books before they wish the absorb the idea of their rival company. Steps should be taken to study the likes of the people of Collegeville exclusively, rather than relying on national census data. Likes and dislikes, reading habits, age groups of the residents should be studied thoroughly before making a drastic change to their already existing bookstore.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 452 350
No. of Characters: 2222 1500
No. of Different Words: 204 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.611 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.916 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.634 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 155 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 114 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 80 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 57 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.588 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.463 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.412 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.365 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.651 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.119 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 186, Rule ID: THERE_RE_MANY[3]
Message: Possible agreement error. Did you mean 'surveys'?
Suggestion: surveys
...under the age of ten. But, there are no survey which proves that Collegeville has a si...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 382, Rule ID: COMPRISES_OF[1]
Message: Did you mean 'comprises' or 'consists of'?
Suggestion: comprises; consists of
... children in the particular area mainly comprises of older children who prefer books which w...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 122, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Therefore,
...a cafeteria and a bookstore and a cafe. Therefore it is quite imminent that they have mor...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 383, Rule ID: LOOSE_LOSE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'lose' (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
Suggestion: lose
... to come up with such a store and might loose their business which was strongly activ...
^^^^^
Line 11, column 117, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...ation by Monarch Books before they wish the absorb the idea of their rival company. Steps ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
accordingly, also, but, first, firstly, if, second, secondly, so, therefore, third, thirdly
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 21.0 28.8173652695 73% => OK
Preposition: 65.0 55.5748502994 117% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2268.0 2260.96107784 100% => OK
No of words: 452.0 441.139720559 102% => OK
Chars per words: 5.01769911504 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61088837703 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66561247338 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 209.0 204.123752495 102% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.462389380531 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 713.7 705.55239521 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 26.0 22.8473053892 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 37.4389468399 57.8364921388 65% => OK
Chars per sentence: 133.411764706 119.503703932 112% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.5882352941 23.324526521 114% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.35294117647 5.70786347227 94% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.207340232163 0.218282227539 95% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0712082048828 0.0743258471296 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0759433855953 0.0701772020484 108% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.124000691414 0.128457276422 97% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0773229343116 0.0628817314937 123% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.5 14.3799401198 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 45.09 48.3550499002 93% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.13 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.21 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 94.0 98.500998004 95% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.1389221557 111% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.