The following appeared in a memo from the owner of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.
"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, all of the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
The memo above mentioned from the owner of cheese stores which are located throughout Unites States. He came to the conclusion that to get maximum profit is to discontinue stocking foreign cheeses while stocking domestic cheeses from last year sales of newest store in Wisconsin and from the World Magazine Survey which tells us domestic cheese is preferred to imported cheeses. The conclusion he reached from the information above is preposterous, ill-found and does not have enough support material.
First, one of the evidences provides is from a new store located in Wisconsin. As in the memo it is a new store and it only has data from one year. How can the owner say that people of Wisconsin is same as other people in United States where all his majority of stores are located. The preference of people of Wisconsin need not be same as all other customers, maybe they prefer foreign to domestic cheese. The owner came to the conclusion without taking his other stores into consideration. Owner did not consider the number of people who bought the cheese in Wisconsin with other stores because the number of people who bought the cheese from other stores may be more, if he reduce foreign cheese inventory he may lose profit. This could be applied as a consideration to new business model to improve profits if at least 10 percent of his stores picked at random are taken into consideration.
Second, The survey of World Magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Owner did not consider Are the people who subscribed are his customers or not. If yes, How many out of Total. The memo did not mention that the survey is only conducted in USA, it could be from the people worldwide, so owner could not that this into consideration. The survey says that preference for domestic cheese increased but by how much out of how many people? If it is in USA and the percentage is greater than 20 percent the owner can add it into one of the reasons to get profit is by improving domestic inventory.
Third, the conclusion reached by owner to reduce inventory of foreign cheeses to reduce expenditure of company is not supported because the profit earned by owner from foreign cheese may be greater as it is being imported and domestic definitely cost less. Owner could test his prediction in some of his stores then he can apply to all of the remaining stores such that he would not lose all of the income as even if it fails only some of the stores takes a hit but he could recover from the remaining stores and get the result.
The owner's conclusion from the argument is not practical because of the above reasons. He could earn maximum profit if he did a better research on his income from his stores and by conducting a survey in his stores to know the preference of his customers instead of taking World Magazine's survey into consideration.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 505 350
No. of Characters: 2350 1500
No. of Different Words: 190 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.74 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.653 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.521 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 171 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 108 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 72 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.911 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.35 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.537 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.137 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 251, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[2]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'of the newest'.
Suggestion: of the newest
...g domestic cheeses from last year sales of newest store in Wisconsin and from the World M...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 678, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'reduces'.
Suggestion: reduces
...se from other stores may be more, if he reduce foreign cheese inventory he may lose pr...
^^^^^^
Line 7, column 333, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...some of his stores then he can apply to all of the remaining stores such that he would not...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 389, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...ning stores such that he would not lose all of the income as even if it fails only some of...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 432, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
... of the income as even if it fails only some of the stores takes a hit but he could recover...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 5, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'owners'' or 'owner's'?
Suggestion: owners'; owner's
...ining stores and get the result. The owners conclusion from the argument is not pra...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, if, may, second, so, then, third, while, at least
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 37.0 28.8173652695 128% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 77.0 55.5748502994 139% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2393.0 2260.96107784 106% => OK
No of words: 505.0 441.139720559 114% => OK
Chars per words: 4.73861386139 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.74048574033 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.58580502147 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 195.0 204.123752495 96% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.386138613861 0.468620217663 82% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 771.3 705.55239521 109% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 71.6344191014 57.8364921388 124% => OK
Chars per sentence: 119.65 119.503703932 100% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.25 23.324526521 108% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.05 5.70786347227 53% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.307862788838 0.218282227539 141% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.108841915914 0.0743258471296 146% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0764601887459 0.0701772020484 109% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.193193229286 0.128457276422 150% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0854574367301 0.0628817314937 136% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.5 14.3799401198 94% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 54.56 48.3550499002 113% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.51 12.5979740519 83% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.6 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 87.0 98.500998004 88% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.