The following appeared in Ram, the Altamonte High School student newspaper.
“Of Altamonte students polled, 65% say they participate in an intramural, a varsity, or a community sports team. Being a member of a sports team keeps one fit and healthy and promotes an active lifestyle. Since the majority of students are taking care of their physical fitness after or outside of school, Altamonte High should eliminate physical education classes and put more resources into the development of its intramural and varsity sports teams.”
The author of the article believed that physical education (PE) classes should be removed from the curriculum and resources should be provided to intramural and varisty sports teams because 65% of all students polled indicated that they participated in a sports team. However, the author has assumed that most students participate in intramural and varisty sports teams without any supporting evidence. In addition, the author has equated PE classes with sports teams and has accepted that the results of the poll represented the general population. Therefore, the assertions of the author are flawed.
Although the author claimed that 65% of all students polled were in an intramural, a varsity, or a community sports team, the author has not provided specific data indicating the category in which the students belonged to. Suppose that the ratio of students in intramural, varsity, and community sports teams was 1:1:63. If the resources were mainly provided to intramural and varsity sports teams, 63% of all students would receive less resources while only 2% of all students benefit from this change. This distribution of resources would be unfair to the majority of the students. Therefore, the author should provide data that specify the ratio of students in each type of sports teams. If few students participate in community sports team, then the author would be justified to claim that more resources should be diverted to sports teams with more people.
Even if more resources should be given to intramural and varisty sports teams, the author has not provided evidence that demonstrate that PE classes are equivalent with sports teams. PE classes could teach diverse concepts, such as physical health and salubrious diets, which might be topics ignored by coaches of sports teams. Consequently, if the author could offer evidence that suggest that the contents of sports teams and PE classes are similar, then the argument of the author would be more persuasive.
One problem of polls is that people often interpret a sample as a sound representation of the entire population. However, different polling methods could result in drastically distinct results. The author affirmed that 65% of all students participated in a sports team. However, this poll might have been conducted near an outdoor facility and most of the respondents were students who enjoyed fitness and exercise. In fact, the majority of students of Altamonte High School might not exercise regularly and weekly PE classes are the only opportunity for them to exercise. The author can reinforce his or her perspective that PE classes should be removed if the author could interview every student in Altamonte High School and tally the number of students who have sufficient exercise every week. If all the students already exercise regularly and the only function of PE classes is to arrange a special time for students to exercise, then the author could argue persuasively that since all students exercise, PE classes should be removed.
In conclusion, the author’s conclusion that PE classes should be eliminated is flawed because the author has assumed that the statistics were indicative of the general population and the author has equated PE classes with sports teams. If the author could provide more data for the number of students in each type of sports team or the amount of exercise students perform each week, the author would make his or her arguments more powerful.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2023-06-09 | Mateo Chen | 58 | view |
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 560 350
No. of Characters: 2844 1500
No. of Different Words: 196 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.865 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.079 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.615 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 237 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 173 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 115 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 60 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.455 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.903 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.727 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.418 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.418 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.197 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 833, Rule ID: TO_NON_BASE[1]
Message: The verb after "to" should be in the base form: 'sport'.
Suggestion: sport
...at more resources should be diverted to sports teams with more people. Even if more ...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, consequently, however, if, so, then, therefore, while, in addition, in conclusion, in fact, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 23.0 12.9520958084 178% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 11.1786427146 170% => OK
Relative clauses : 22.0 13.6137724551 162% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 61.0 55.5748502994 110% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2909.0 2260.96107784 129% => OK
No of words: 558.0 441.139720559 126% => OK
Chars per words: 5.21326164875 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.86024933743 4.56307096286 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66703518092 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 210.0 204.123752495 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.376344086022 0.468620217663 80% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 890.1 705.55239521 126% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 59.2957986331 57.8364921388 103% => OK
Chars per sentence: 132.227272727 119.503703932 111% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.3636363636 23.324526521 109% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.72727272727 5.70786347227 83% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.331200076598 0.218282227539 152% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.130153320448 0.0743258471296 175% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0833534498349 0.0701772020484 119% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.215022070016 0.128457276422 167% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0838767741227 0.0628817314937 133% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.8 14.3799401198 110% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.23 12.5979740519 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.1 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 114.0 98.500998004 116% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.