The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author here tries to come up with arguments to support his hypothesis that opening up a jazz club in the city of Monroe is a great economic decision and it will be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Stating, that over a 100k people usually visit their annual jazz festival and nearest club is 65 miles away, shows that they fail to mention several key factors, also reveal several instances of poor reasoning, and distorts the view of the situation by manipulating the facts and providing weak claims. To garner support, they also that the city claims to habituate several well-known jazz performers and profligate jazz enthusiasts. However further scrutiny of the evidence will reveal that it provides little credible support for the author’s claims. Hence the overall argument seems incomplete and unsubstantiated.
Firstly, the biggest leap by the author is to claim that a jazz club in Monroe will be a profitable enterprise, without showing any proofs or due diligence to compare it with other businesses in the city. Had the author mentioned about the return of investments, profitability index or some capital recovery models in his argument, then that would have made strong case for his theories. In accordance with that, the author provided underwhelming proof to show that the citizens of Monroe are actually staunch followers of jazz by failing to deliver an adequate barometer to judge the facts presented in his argument. For example, they say that over 100k people visit the festival or $1,000 is spent annually by a jazz fan, but they forget to give a yardstick to measure whether 100K is a huge hit or huge miss when compared to other regions in the country. The author also fails to mention, whether the annual spending of Monroe based jazz fan is even comparable to the annual average or not. Furthermore, a study and interview need to done with the nearest jazz club, as to why they never thought of expanding into the city, despite the immense potential in Monroe.
Secondly, they mention that many of the famous jazz performers live in Monroe, but they overlook the details as to how many of them stay in the city for a considerable amount of time, for it to be called their hometown. To give an instance, most of the Formula-1 drivers, usually stay out of Monaco, but they actually stay in the city for over a month through the year. Thus, even if Monaco is the home for them, they are quite itinerant.
Finally, before concluding, the author also tends to claim that the highest rated jazz program is aired on the weekends at 7 pm. To help them bolster their claims, the author should conduct studies comparing the airtime vs the new people interested in jazz or the listenership vs the increase in average spends over jazz etc. All in all, an exhaustive and sturdy research is required to eliminate any inadequacies before choosing any area to open a club.
While the argument put forward by the researcher, is quite innovative and interesting, the data presented could have been more exhaustive in order to convince the reader. In conclusion, the author’s arguments seem unpersuasive and to make bolster their claims, the author should have more concrete evidence and analysis for to determine the hypothesis is suitable to open a jazz club in Monroe.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 11 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 558 350
No. of Characters: 2672 1500
No. of Different Words: 268 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.86 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.789 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.598 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 193 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 146 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 95 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 31 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.257 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.889 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.329 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.329 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.101 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 641, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...ormers and profligate jazz enthusiasts. However further scrutiny of the evidence will r...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 760, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...edible support for the author’s claims. Hence the overall argument seems incomplete a...
^^^^^
Line 2, column 684, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...t over 100k people visit the festival or ,000 is spent annually by a jazz fan, but...
^^
Line 2, column 1036, Rule ID: PRP_PAST_PART[5]
Message: Did you mean 'do'?
Suggestion: do
...thermore, a study and interview need to done with the nearest jazz club, as to why t...
^^^^
Line 5, column 396, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...suitable to open a jazz club in Monroe.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, finally, first, firstly, furthermore, hence, however, if, look, second, secondly, so, then, thus, well, while, as to, for example, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 20.0 11.1786427146 179% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 36.0 28.8173652695 125% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 83.0 55.5748502994 149% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2735.0 2260.96107784 121% => OK
No of words: 558.0 441.139720559 126% => OK
Chars per words: 4.90143369176 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.86024933743 4.56307096286 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.69521955517 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 280.0 204.123752495 137% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.501792114695 0.468620217663 107% => OK
syllable_count: 856.8 705.55239521 121% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 29.0 22.8473053892 127% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 58.4461776224 57.8364921388 101% => OK
Chars per sentence: 143.947368421 119.503703932 120% => OK
Words per sentence: 29.3684210526 23.324526521 126% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.68421052632 5.70786347227 152% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.26126319594 0.218282227539 120% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0799736608389 0.0743258471296 108% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0518978954924 0.0701772020484 74% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.13720176247 0.128457276422 107% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0592720549671 0.0628817314937 94% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.3 14.3799401198 113% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.5 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.73 12.5979740519 93% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.92 8.32208582834 107% => OK
difficult_words: 136.0 98.500998004 138% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.5 12.3882235529 149% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.6 11.1389221557 122% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.