The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In the application, the developers proposed the idea of building a jazz music club assuming it to be a profitable enterprise and so asking for a small loan for it. The developers states that, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe and over 100,00 people attended Monroe’s annual jazz festival last summer. They even state the fact that, since the nearest jazz club is far away, the proposed jazz club would probably have all the local market to itself. However, while the conclusions drawn by the developers, state the specific evidence to construct a new jazz club, the following three evidences would strengthen the argument.
Firstly, the nearest jazz music club is 65 miles away which is quite far to travel.
There is a possibility that there might be lot of traffic since many people visits the jazz club.Perhaps people won’t prefer travelling that far, just for a club. This can probably be avoided, if the proposed idea is accepted.
Secondly, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe, as over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer. There’s a high probability of expecting the same or in fact, more people to attend this summer as well due to the increasing rate of people’s interest in music. People these days are assumed to be pressurised at there working places and perhaps are willing to spend their free time at a jazz club to relax and enjoy.
Finally, the nationwide study indicates that jazz fans spend an estimated cost of $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. There’s a high chance of jazz fans increase subsequently in numbers because of social media trends. This will possibly double the estimated cost per year compared to the previous analysis.
In conclusion, the evidences, that were stated, are considerably valid and at point. The developer’s assumption can be taken into consideration as it states the systematic research evidences and the past impact of building a jazz club. There is a possibility of the evidence to be fully viable for the proposed recommendation to build a jazz club.
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Comments
e-rater score report
out of topic
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 343 350
No. of Characters: 1659 1500
No. of Different Words: 175 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.304 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.837 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.638 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 114 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 83 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.438 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.295 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.358 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.601 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.077 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 180, Rule ID: AGREEMENT_SENT_START[1]
Message: You should probably use 'state'.
Suggestion: state
...for a small loan for it. The developers states that, jazz is extremely popular in Monr...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 422, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...oposed jazz club would probably have all the local market to itself. However, wh...
^^
Line 3, column 427, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...d jazz club would probably have all the local market to itself. However, while t...
^^
Line 3, column 566, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...c evidence to construct a new jazz club, the following three evidences would str...
^^^^
Line 3, column 583, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...struct a new jazz club, the following three evidences would strengthen the arg...
^^
Line 6, column 97, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Perhaps
... since many people visits the jazz club.Perhaps people won’t prefer travelling that fa...
^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 104, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...many people visits the jazz club.Perhaps people won’t prefer travelling that far,...
^^
Line 10, column 82, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...hat jazz fans spend an estimated cost of ,000 per year on jazz entertainment. Ther...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
finally, first, firstly, however, if, second, secondly, so, then, well, while, in conclusion, in fact
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 12.9520958084 46% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 16.0 28.8173652695 56% => OK
Preposition: 39.0 55.5748502994 70% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1723.0 2260.96107784 76% => OK
No of words: 341.0 441.139720559 77% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.05278592375 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.29722995808 4.56307096286 94% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.78029992642 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 183.0 204.123752495 90% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.536656891496 0.468620217663 115% => OK
syllable_count: 528.3 705.55239521 75% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 34.6346444149 57.8364921388 60% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 107.6875 119.503703932 90% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.3125 23.324526521 91% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.3125 5.70786347227 111% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.376881562931 0.218282227539 173% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.12936157113 0.0743258471296 174% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0928697762636 0.0701772020484 132% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.202407006483 0.128457276422 158% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.10412213094 0.0628817314937 166% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.0 14.3799401198 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.01 12.5979740519 95% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.52 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 83.0 98.500998004 84% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.