The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The argument is flawed for many reasons. Primarily, the argument talks about how opening a jazz music club in Monroe would be a profitable enterprise but is misses out on the point where a jazz music fan would be willing to travel the distance.
The argument states that opening a jazz club in Monroe would be a profitable enterprise. However, it does not mention the jazz fans that would be willing to travel the distance to listen to their favourite genre of music. Opening a local jazz club may be welcomed by a few local fans but the argument does not take into account, the rest of the jazz fans. Had the argument provided the consensus of the overall jazz fans, even then the argument would have to give further evidence that jazz fans would prefer going to a local jazz club and not travel 65 miles.
The argument talks about a typical jazz fan who spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. This statement, in my opinion, is very vague. The argument initially talks about opening a jazz club in Monroe but later goes on to talk about how jazz fans in general are willing to spend large amounts of money to listen to jazz music. Had the argument mentioned jazz fans from Monroe, the argument would have to further prove that the jazz fans in Monroe are willing to spend large amounts of money.
The argument talks about how jazz fans are willing to spend large amounts of money to listen to jazz music. This cost could also include travel which is not mentioned in the argument.
Because the argument makes unwarranted assumptions, it fails to make a convincing case that opening a jazz club in Monroe would be a profitable enterprise.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 296 350
No. of Characters: 1333 1500
No. of Different Words: 112 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.148 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.503 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.269 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 78 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 60 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 35 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 17 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.769 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.986 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.538 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.51 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.679 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.244 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 64, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...t a typical jazz fan who spends close to ,000 per year on jazz entertainment. This...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, may, so, then, in general, in my opinion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 11.0 28.8173652695 38% => OK
Preposition: 43.0 55.5748502994 77% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1369.0 2260.96107784 61% => OK
No of words: 296.0 441.139720559 67% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.625 5.12650576532 90% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.14784890444 4.56307096286 91% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.36422529962 2.78398813304 85% => OK
Unique words: 118.0 204.123752495 58% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.398648648649 0.468620217663 85% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 423.0 705.55239521 60% => syllable counts are too short.
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 19.7664670659 66% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 53.7212837836 57.8364921388 93% => OK
Chars per sentence: 105.307692308 119.503703932 88% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.7692307692 23.324526521 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.61538461538 5.70786347227 81% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 4.0 8.20758483034 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.281042322765 0.218282227539 129% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.141594657956 0.0743258471296 191% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0939770802949 0.0701772020484 134% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.202612370313 0.128457276422 158% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0668890515263 0.0628817314937 106% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.8 14.3799401198 82% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 66.07 48.3550499002 137% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.87 12.5979740519 78% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.02 8.32208582834 84% => OK
difficult_words: 43.0 98.500998004 44% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.