The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
While it may be true that new jazz club in Monroe city will be extremely popular; however, the author's argument does not make a cogent case. It is easy to understand that jazz fans will come to the new jazz club, but there are no indications that it is going to be the same number of fans attendees in new club as the old one or not. Thus, the arguer needs verifiable evidences to prove this recommendation.
First of all, the author mentions that making new business of jazz club in Monroe is going to be profitable enterprise which is not logical. The group developer in the city of Monroe does not consider other factors that can affect the profit of the jazz club. The nearest jazz club which is 65 miles away from Monroe city will be a competitor for that new jazz club because many Monroe residents may still go to the old jazz club. The reason is residents may got use to go to the familiar jazz club as before. Thus, there is no guarantee if jazz music fans in Monroe city will go to the new jazz club.
Additionally, the author argues about the popularity of jazz music festival last year which does not make sense. A group developer in the city needs to investigate about last year music festival. Those 100,000 people who attended the annual jazz festival last summer, could be tourist from other regions not just Monroe city. It is possible that people attended the festival just because of those several well-known jazz musicians.
Last but not least, the arguer assumes that typical jazz fans are going to spend the same amount of money as they spend per year which is not persuasive claim. It is possible that jazz fans will not spend the same amount of money like before. To strength his/her suggestion, the author needs to collect more information about jazz fans money spend on jazz entertainment.
The author can make this suggestion persuasive when he/she gathers information about jazz fans' interest to go to the new jazz club, the reasons for last year festival popularity, and the money spending on jazz entertainment for next years. After answering these questions, the arguer can make such a conclusion.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 378 350
No. of Characters: 1718 1500
No. of Different Words: 157 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.409 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.545 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.366 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 95 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 66 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 50 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.235 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.948 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.471 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.41 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.41 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.217 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 96, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...will be extremely popular; however, the authors argument does not make a cogent case. I...
^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 432, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...ents may still go to the old jazz club. The reason is residents may got use to go t...
^^^
Line 2, column 460, Rule ID: PRP_PAST_PART[3]
Message: Did you mean 'get' or 'be got'?
Suggestion: get; be got
... jazz club. The reason is residents may got use to go to the familiar jazz club as ...
^^^
Line 2, column 464, Rule ID: USE_TO_VERB[1]
Message: Did you mean 'used'?
Suggestion: used
...z club. The reason is residents may got use to go to the familiar jazz club as befo...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, however, if, may, so, still, thus, well, while, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 42.0 55.5748502994 76% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1757.0 2260.96107784 78% => OK
No of words: 376.0 441.139720559 85% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.67287234043 5.12650576532 91% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.40348946061 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.44588182035 2.78398813304 88% => OK
Unique words: 157.0 204.123752495 77% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.417553191489 0.468620217663 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 535.5 705.55239521 76% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.9967319075 57.8364921388 78% => OK
Chars per sentence: 103.352941176 119.503703932 86% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.1176470588 23.324526521 95% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.23529411765 5.70786347227 74% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.370214813325 0.218282227539 170% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.146650785891 0.0743258471296 197% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.115427564474 0.0701772020484 164% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.212239734374 0.128457276422 165% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.144502962575 0.0628817314937 230% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.6 14.3799401198 81% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 66.07 48.3550499002 137% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.81 12.5979740519 78% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.33 8.32208582834 88% => OK
difficult_words: 62.0 98.500998004 63% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.