Pirouettes Ballet School is the clear choice for any child. Of all the dance schools in Elmtown, Pirouettes has the most intensive program, and our teachers have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world. Many of our students have gone on to become professional dancers with top dance companies.
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Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The above claim states that Pirouettes Ballet School(which I shall abbreviate to PBS, for the sake of this essay), is unquestionably the number one choice when it comes to choosing a dance school in Elmtown. There is an assertion that the School boasts superiority with respect to the program, the pedigree of the teachers and the future scope that their graduates have. Let us dissect this argument a bit further.
The first claim purpoted is that PBS has the "most intensive program". But evidence in terms of data or survey results have not been mentioned. In fact, the passage has not even bothered to elaborate on what is meant by being more intensive. Are the practice sessions more frequent and longer than other schools? Is each student being given more individual attention? Will the students be taught right from the ichoate stages, or is a certain level of proficiency in dance prerequisite? A parent would need to know all of this, before making such an important choice for their children.
The next claim espouses the proficiency of the teachers, who have "danced in the most prestigious ballet companies". Are they at a higher level in comparison to the teachers from other dance schools? Do they have experience teaching ballet to students, starting from the most rudimentary skills? Once again, no information has been given, that would give a better understanding with regards to the above points. We may doubt neither the level of skills nor qualification of the potential teachers. Nevertheless, no matter how talented the guru, if he/ she cannot inspire their pupils, and share their knowledge and skill effectively, then it would be difficult for the students to follow.
The third claim is with respect to the students who graduated from the dance school, and went on to become professional dancers and join top dance troupes. The batch size of the graduates, how many years they trained and their proficiency in comparison to graduates from other dance schools, are just some of the things, in support of which the narrator could have embellished data. Sharing the contact information of a few of the graduates, would also allow potential students to gain more insight into the kind of training that would be provided, and the other amenities the school would provide in order to master the art.
In conclusion, the PBS may be the best choice of dance school to go with, as mentioned in the argument. However, it needs to be augmented with more information, including comparison data with other schools, survey responses and detailed information on the program itself.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 432 350
No. of Characters: 2104 1500
No. of Different Words: 221 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.559 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.87 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.621 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 143 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 106 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.571 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.394 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.476 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.282 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.492 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.06 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 188, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ioned. In fact, the passage has not even bothered to elaborate on what is meant b...
^^
Line 7, column 302, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...ates from other dance schools, are just some of the things, in support of which the narrat...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 341, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... some of the things, in support of which the narrator could have embellished data...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, may, nevertheless, so, then, third, in conclusion, in fact, kind of, with respect to
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 62.0 55.5748502994 112% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2191.0 2260.96107784 97% => OK
No of words: 432.0 441.139720559 98% => OK
Chars per words: 5.07175925926 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.55901411391 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.82124839662 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 234.0 204.123752495 115% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.541666666667 0.468620217663 116% => OK
syllable_count: 651.6 705.55239521 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 55.5053877796 57.8364921388 96% => OK
Chars per sentence: 104.333333333 119.503703932 87% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.5714285714 23.324526521 88% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.47619047619 5.70786347227 96% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.279585499817 0.218282227539 128% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0773714504496 0.0743258471296 104% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0644021682979 0.0701772020484 92% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.153512292915 0.128457276422 120% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0504862334257 0.0628817314937 80% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.7 14.3799401198 88% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 48.3550499002 123% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.13 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.47 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 105.0 98.500998004 107% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 75.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.