Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?

These days, the government spends a large part of its budget not only on public services, but also on the arts. Presently, a proportion of people believe that, money should be spend only on health, education, transportation and so on. others ponder that, the art is source of entertainment to the people and should not be ignored. Here, I would like to account for both the views with my own perception.

Multifarious points shore up the former view. First and foremost, the primary and crucial role of the government is to provide better living standards of the people. to be specific, services like hospitals, schools and roads are very important in daily life of the masses, therefore investment in these sectors is a priority of every government. Moreover, the poor in our society affected more if government not spend enough money on public services because they are the ones more dependent on such services.

On the other hand, many others could support the later opinion. the art is a source of entertainment for many people and should not be neglected. in other word, many art institutions like theatres, cinemas, and such places cannot work properly without government support in the form of monetary assistance. What is more, recently in our fast paced life, the art is considered as a source of pleasure and joy for large number of people.

From my notion, the priority of the government is to spend money on health, education, roads and so on. this spending should not be at the expense of the art.

To recapitulate, due to aforementioned points, as the public services are important in our life and government ought to spend money on this services. I do not believe spending money on the artsis a waste of money.

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the art is source of entertainment
the art is a source of entertainment

the poor in our society affected more if government not spend enough money
the poor in our society is affected more if government does not spend enough money

without government support
without government's support

Sentence: To recapitulate, due to aforementioned points, as the public services are important in our life and government ought to spend money on this services.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and services

Sentence: I do not believe spending money on the artsis a waste of money.
Error: artsis Suggestion: arts

flaws:
You have different conclusions:

'From my notion, the priority of the government is to spend money on health, education, roads and so on. this spending should not be at the expense of the art.'

'To recapitulate, due to aforementioned points, as the public services are important in our life and government ought to spend money on this services. I do not believe spending money on the artsis a waste of money.'

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 11 15
No. of Words: 296 350
No. of Characters: 1386 1500
No. of Different Words: 142 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.148 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.682 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.662 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 99 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 65 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 48 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 29 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.909 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.201 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.636 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.387 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.67 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.065 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5