The inequality between rich and poor people is now wider than it has ever been before what do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap.
By the turn of the 20th century , one of the most concernable problem in my country is unfair facilities and opportunity between a person who has investors and credit and and a person who dosent . In this essay some convincing reasons will be presented to elaborate why i am for with the issue .
One of the most significant reasons is that , advent of industerial revolution, unfortunately a vast majority of people who inhabited in rural area and their job was agriculture , they earned money by planting in private lands lost their jobs and income , then farmers left their life and refer to the factories and companies as an ordinary worker by low-salary.
Another couse is that , many years ago one who is hard working and try hard to make money from his own hands , was a rich man but nowadays most of the jobs are mentaly so we dont have any traditional phisicaly work , not only we omited the movements of their occupation but mankind also invents the utility robats which are faster than human hand it make people lazy and faty .
Turning to the other sides of the argument, those who oppose that we dont have any inequality in our world claim that each person has the specific mind and power he should utilize them in order to gain money and one who is poor he want to be poor because he didnt well .
Serious measures should be taken , otherwise the corrent state of affars will worsen.
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- The inequality between rich and poor people is now wider than it has ever been before what do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap. 50
Comments
Hello could you plz tell me
Hello could you plz tell me how can i improve my essay? :(
Need to remove grammar errors
Need to remove grammar errors and put more content. Look, you can't put one sentence as one paragraph.
How to put more content? try this pattern:
paragraph 1: introduction -- explain in your own words about the issue and give a thesis statement at the end. Give a reasonable not a dogmatic statement.
paragraph 2: reason 1 + why reason 1 + example + a small conclusion for this paragraph.
paragraph 3: reason 2 + why reason 2 + example + a small conclusion for this paragraph.
paragraph 4: qualification -- moderate your position. This may involve a sentence beginning with "but" or "however"...
paragraph 5: conclusion -- reinforce the thesis.
----------------------
Read a good grammar book. You may read this one: http://testbig.com/question/grammar
one of the most concernable problem
one of the most conceivable problems
not only we omited the movements of their occupation but mankind also invents the utility robats
Description: 'Not only...but also' is not used properly. can you re-write this sentence?
it make people lazy and faty .
it makes people lazy and fatty .
he want to be poor because he didnt well .
he wants to be poor because he didn't do well .
Sentence: In this essay some convincing reasons will be presented to elaborate why i am for with the issue .
Description: The token for is not usually followed by a preposition
Suggestion: Refer to for and with
Sentence: By the turn of the 20th century , one of the most concernable problem in my country is unfair facilities and opportunity between a person who has investors and credit and and a person who dosent .
Error: concernable Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: One of the most significant reasons is that , advent of industerial revolution, unfortunately a vast majority of people who inhabited in rural area and their job was agriculture , they earned money by planting in private lands lost their jobs and income , then farmers left their life and refer to the factories and companies as an ordinary worker by low-salary.
Error: industerial Suggestion: industrial
Sentence: Another couse is that , many years ago one who is hard working and try hard to make money from his own hands , was a rich man but nowadays most of the jobs are mentaly so we dont have any traditional phisicaly work , not only we omited the movements of their occupation but mankind also invents the utility robats which are faster than human hand it make people lazy and faty .
Error: phisicaly Suggestion: physical
Error: couse Suggestion: course
Error: omited Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: faty Suggestion: fatty
Error: mentaly Suggestion: mentally
Sentence: Serious measures should be taken , otherwise the corrent state of affars will worsen.
Error: affars Suggestion: affairs
Error: worsen Suggestion: worsen
Error: corrent Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
No. of Words: 248 350
Minimum 250 words wanted.
Don't put a space before punctuation marks.
Always put a space after punctuation marks. Essay e-rater is sensitive.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
No. of Sentences: 6 15
No. of Words: 248 350
No. of Characters: 1118 1500
No. of Different Words: 160 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.968 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.508 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.391 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 68 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 48 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 29 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 22 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 41.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 21.045 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.44 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.895 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.136 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5