Some parent offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school Do you think this is a good idea?

Essay topics:

Some parent offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school Do you think this is a good idea?

Education is one of the most important parts of every children's life. If children intend to become successful, they should try hard in their childhood and school time. I believe that parents should support and guide their children in a correct way; thus, it might be a good idea to offer children money for their high grades for such reasons as motivation purpose and learning purpose.
First, children need motivation for their studies. When children understand the fact that if they study hard, they will receive gifts, they will try harder. According to one survey, people will do their best when they realize the outcomes of their tasks. As a result, if children are familiar with the results of their studies in short term, besides the long term effect, they will try harder. As an illustration, in most schools in my country, Iran, teachers give presents to astute students in order to motivate them. Thus, other children spur to study more due to the fact that they want the prize as well. It is probable that if students receive motivation, they may try harder.
Additionally, giving money learns new things to children. If they receive money for each high grade, they will have huge amount of money which is unusual for their age. Therefore, they try to manage their money in a proper way. They might use their gifts for useless expenditures, but they will learn managing their money as the time passes. As a personal experience, my aunt always gave money for good marks received by her daughter. After some years my cousin saved a large amount of money in her account, so she bought a car for herself after she attended university, and she learnt how to use her money efficiently. For these reasons, giving money to children as a gift will learn them how to manage their money.
As a conclusion, it may be helpful for children if they receive money for their high grades during school time. Such kind of gift can make motivation in children, and learn them useful lessons.

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Average: 6 (1 vote)
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Independent TOEFL Writing

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 232, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a correct way" with adverb for "correct"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...should support and guide their children in a correct way; thus, it might be a good idea to offer...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 378, Rule ID: AFFORD_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the infinitive: 'to purpose'
Suggestion: to purpose
...sons as motivation purpose and learning purpose. First, children need motivation for t...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 211, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a proper way" with adverb for "proper"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...erefore, they try to manage their money in a proper way. They might use their gifts for useless...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 301, Rule ID: AFFORD_VBG[1]
Message: This verb is used with infinitive: 'to manage'.
Suggestion: to manage
...eless expenditures, but they will learn managing their money as the time passes. As a pe...
^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
besides, but, first, if, may, so, therefore, thus, well, in short, kind of, as a result

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 6.0 15.1003584229 40% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 9.8082437276 153% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 13.8261648746 43% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 7.0 11.0286738351 63% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 49.0 43.0788530466 114% => OK
Preposition: 34.0 52.1666666667 65% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.0752688172 87% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1641.0 1977.66487455 83% => OK
No of words: 345.0 407.700716846 85% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.75652173913 4.8611393121 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.3097767484 4.48103885553 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.38990736533 2.67179642975 89% => OK
Unique words: 178.0 212.727598566 84% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.515942028986 0.524837075471 98% => OK
syllable_count: 486.0 618.680645161 79% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 13.0 9.59856630824 135% => OK
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 9.0 3.51792114695 256% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.86738351254 161% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.94265232975 81% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 20.6003584229 92% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 20.1344086022 89% => OK
Sentence length SD: 40.6986084689 48.9658058833 83% => OK
Chars per sentence: 86.3684210526 100.406767564 86% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.1578947368 20.6045352989 88% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.57894736842 5.45110844103 84% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.5376344086 72% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 11.8709677419 126% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.396686680079 0.236089414692 168% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.132198524083 0.076458572812 173% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0903295256035 0.0737576698707 122% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.262861446206 0.150856017488 174% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0567405479798 0.0645574589148 88% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.1 11.7677419355 86% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 70.13 58.1214874552 121% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 7.9 10.1575268817 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.03 10.9000537634 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.09 8.01818996416 88% => OK
difficult_words: 56.0 86.8835125448 64% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 10.002688172 80% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 10.0537634409 92% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------
We are expecting: No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.


Rates: 60.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 18.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.