The following appeared in a health magazine.
The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles.Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author believes that the citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles because of change of the eating habit .Although at first glance, the author's conclusion appears to be somewhat convincing, but further reflection reveals that it is based on unwarranted evidence.The evidence offered by the author is insufficient.Few pieces of evidence need to be established before the conclusion to be made.
To begin with, the author's claim relies on the recent survey.It is possible that the citizens may follow the government nutritional recommendations.However, we need more information of the survey to proof that the survey is representative.Maybe the citizens who took the survey were all heathy people.Moreover, people who took the survey might not tell the truth, because people do not want others think they are not in a good condition.In addition, we should know how many people took the survey.If there were a hundred people took the survey with the citizens number was million, then the survey would be consider unrepresentative.
Additionally, the author has not presented the statistics of the food products containing Kiran can reduce cholesterol.Perhaps he is just presenting his personal view.If it is his totally individual perception then the way he come into the conclusion may be logical and true.On the other hand, if he was presenting the official data, he has not mention the authority which has conducted the research, possibly, it might be counterfeit data.
Furthermore, the author should provide the evidence to proof that the sale of food products containing Kiran is inverses to the sale of food products containing Sulia.We do not know that if the food products containing Kiran can replace the food products containing sulia or not.Maybe the cardinal reason of the decline is not related to the sale of food products containing Kiran.It is possible that the price of food products containing sulia increase and people can not afford it.What’s more.
In conclusion, the author's conclusion as it stands now is full of flaws due to its reliance on unwarranted evidence. If the author is able to provide more reliable data for the above argument and offer more evidence, then it will be possible to fully evaluate the argument.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 7 15
No. of Words: 378 350
No. of Characters: 1862 1500
No. of Different Words: 178 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.409 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.926 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.749 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 137 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 100 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 81 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 54 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 27.412 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 1 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.455 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.874 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.219 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 127, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...es because of change of the eating habit .Although at first glance, the authors co...
^^
Line 1, column 129, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Although
... because of change of the eating habit .Although at first glance, the authors conclusion...
^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 159, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...ng habit .Although at first glance, the authors conclusion appears to be somewhat convi...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 285, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...hat it is based on unwarranted evidence.The evidence offered by the author is insuf...
^^^
Line 1, column 336, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Few
...e offered by the author is insufficient.Few pieces of evidence need to be establish...
^^^
Line 3, column 62, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: It
...thors claim relies on the recent survey.It is possible that the citizens may follo...
^^
Line 3, column 149, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: However
... government nutritional recommendations.However, we need more information of the survey...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 240, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Maybe
...proof that the survey is representative.Maybe the citizens who took the survey were a...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 302, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Moreover
... took the survey were all heathy people.Moreover, people who took the survey might not t...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 438, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: In
... think they are not in a good condition.In addition, we should know how many peopl...
^^
Line 3, column 498, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: If
...ld know how many people took the survey.If there were a hundred people took the su...
^^
Line 3, column 574, Rule ID: NODT_DOZEN[1]
Message: Use simply: 'a million'.
Suggestion: a million
...the survey with the citizens number was million, then the survey would be consider unre...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 120, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Perhaps
...containing Kiran can reduce cholesterol.Perhaps he is just presenting his personal view...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 168, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: If
...he is just presenting his personal view.If it is his totally individual perception...
^^
Line 5, column 276, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: On
... the conclusion may be logical and true.On the other hand, if he was presenting th...
^^
Line 5, column 346, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'mentioned'.
Suggestion: mentioned
...resenting the official data, he has not mention the authority which has conducted the r...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 168, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: We
... sale of food products containing Sulia.We do not know that if the food products c...
^^
Line 7, column 280, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Maybe
...e food products containing sulia or not.Maybe the cardinal reason of the decline is n...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 382, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: It
... sale of food products containing Kiran.It is possible that the price of food pro...
^^
Line 7, column 414, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...g Kiran.It is possible that the price of food products containing sulia increase ...
^^
Line 7, column 485, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: What
...a increase and people can not afford it.What’s more. In conclusion, the authors c...
^^^^
Line 9, column 20, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...d it.What’s more. In conclusion, the authors conclusion as it stands now is full of ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, furthermore, however, if, may, moreover, so, then, in addition, in conclusion, to begin with, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 37.0 55.5748502994 67% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1917.0 2260.96107784 85% => OK
No of words: 363.0 441.139720559 82% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.28099173554 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.3649236973 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.22804599506 2.78398813304 116% => OK
Unique words: 180.0 204.123752495 88% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.495867768595 0.468620217663 106% => OK
syllable_count: 592.2 705.55239521 84% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 6.0 19.7664670659 30% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 60.0 22.8473053892 263% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 183.699407245 57.8364921388 318% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 319.5 119.503703932 267% => Less chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 60.5 23.324526521 259% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 20.5 5.70786347227 359% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 22.0 5.25449101796 419% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 8.20758483034 37% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.145172679623 0.218282227539 67% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0664793295095 0.0743258471296 89% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0675108231499 0.0701772020484 96% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0760436677291 0.128457276422 59% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0670418469256 0.0628817314937 107% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 33.7 14.3799401198 234% => Automated_readability_index is high.
flesch_reading_ease: 10.58 48.3550499002 22% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 26.7 12.197005988 219% => Flesch kincaid grade is high.
coleman_liau_index: 14.23 12.5979740519 113% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 10.4 8.32208582834 125% => OK
difficult_words: 87.0 98.500998004 88% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 30.0 12.3882235529 242% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 26.0 11.1389221557 233% => Gunning_fog is high.
text_standard: 30.0 11.9071856287 252% => The average readability is very high. Good job!
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.