The following is part of a memorandum from the president of Humana University.
"Last year the number of students who enrolled in online degree programs offered by nearby Omni University increased by 50 percent. During the same year, Omni showed a significant decrease from prior years in expenditures for dormitory and classroom space, most likely because online instruction takes place via the Internet. In contrast, over the past three years, enrollment at Humana University has failed to grow and the cost of maintaining buildings has increased. Thus, to increase enrollment and solve the problem of budget deficits at Humana University, we should initiate and actively promote online degree programs like those at Omni."
The author of the editorial talks about the increased enrollment in nearby Omni University due to the introduction of online degree programs. The author further states that to increase enrollment and solve the budget deficiencies a similar program at Humana University must also be initialized. In my opinion, the author's argument lies on unsubstantiated assumptions and is unpersuasive as it stands due to the following reasons.
Firstly, the author states that the online programs offered by Omni University have led to a 50 percent increase in its enrollment. In my view, the 50 percent increase should not be attributed to only one reason i.e online programs. Maybe a few improvements collectively have led to a 50 percent increase. There may be an up-gradation of facilities, labs, improved infrastructure, and the introduction of proficient and experienced professors that may have led to a surge in enrollment. Furthermore, it may have been possible that the university did not have much popularity previously, and now because of the improved features, it had drawn many peoples' eyes.
Moreover, the author claims that Omni University showed a significant decrease in the expenditures for dormitory and classroom space due to the introduction of online teaching which takes place through the Internet. But this could not be the only reason for their reduced expenditure. Nowadays, most students prefer to stay off-campus due to the strict restrictions imposed by the universties. This may have led to low occupancy of dormitories resulting in a low electricity bill which in turn saves a lot of money. Also, it is quite possible that Omni University was spending extravagantly in the previous years, only now realizing that and reducing their expenditures.
Finally, the author states that if Humana University also followed such an approach it would increase their enrollment and solve their problem of budget deficits. This assumption of the author is purely presumptuous and lacks mettle. Had the author, given evidence of any survey suggesting that the students prefer online studies in comparison to campus study, it would have bolstered his claims. But to only imitate what other university is doing is pretty absurd.
Therefore, in conclusion, the author's claims are flawed and based on incogent reasons. Had the author kept the above suggestions in mind it would have bolstered the claims. It would also be well-reasoned and more convincing.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 390 350
No. of Characters: 2027 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.444 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.197 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.025 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 154 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 113 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 93 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.546 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.7 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.328 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.551 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.082 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 315, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...also be initialized. In my opinion, the authors argument lies on unsubstantiated assump...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, furthermore, if, may, moreover, so, therefore, well, in conclusion, in my opinion, in my view
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 29.0 28.8173652695 101% => OK
Preposition: 46.0 55.5748502994 83% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2082.0 2260.96107784 92% => OK
No of words: 389.0 441.139720559 88% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.35218508997 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.44106776838 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.1108882509 2.78398813304 112% => OK
Unique words: 197.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.506426735219 0.468620217663 108% => OK
syllable_count: 657.9 705.55239521 93% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 44.5783299373 57.8364921388 77% => OK
Chars per sentence: 104.1 119.503703932 87% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.45 23.324526521 83% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.45 5.70786347227 113% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.22718809666 0.218282227539 104% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0711084932351 0.0743258471296 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0839415716636 0.0701772020484 120% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.124096616231 0.128457276422 97% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0733162187755 0.0628817314937 117% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.5 14.3799401198 94% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 43.73 48.3550499002 90% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.75 12.5979740519 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.76 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 103.0 98.500998004 105% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.