The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
Group of developer write an application for small business loan in the city of Monroe. They proposed to open new jazz club in Monroe as it is extremely popular in Monroe. Closest jazz club is 65 miles away so they assume that this is very profitable business. However, before the recommendation can properly evaluate, some question must be answer.
First of all, on what bases you think that people will like your new jazz club? What extraordinary services you are going to give to attract the customer? Maybe, people will predilection to old jazz club which is 65 miles away because it is already established and famous. If you are going to give same services as other jazz club, than people will prefer to go to old famous clubs which are having artist and ruling over the city of Monroe. If this turns out to be true, then your business will go in loss and you will lose all your money.
Secondly, what make you think that this year also over 100,000 people will attend Monroe’s annual jazz festival? How this will help you in your business? Maybe, last year due to famous celebrities people attend that that festival and even though we consider considered that this year also over 100,000 people will attend the summer festival to see their favorite celebrities and enjoy jazz they will only go in old famous club which is ruling from edges. In this case radio program will only cover such kind of club’s story. If this turns out to be true, than your business will not able to recover money which is used to established this business.
Finally, what make you think that jazz fans will spend over $1000 in your club? Maybe jazz fans are very choosy about their test so they may only go to famous club. Maybe, they only like to spend money to listen famous artist and famous artist are only found in famous club. So this possibility is capricious. If we consider all this rudimentary then it is very difficult to establish a business. You may also end up bank corrupt.
In conclusion, seeing all above question and considering all assumption we gainsay to give you loan for this business. Still you are audacious for this business; you have to give garnet of returning the capital investment. If all this questions are answered and more evidence is provided that your business will be successful idea than we can think over it.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 413 350
No. of Characters: 1877 1500
No. of Different Words: 176 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.508 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.545 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.254 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 107 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 68 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 54 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 25 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.957 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.139 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.739 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.326 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.517 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.193 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 172, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[2]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: ' the Closest'.
Suggestion: The Closest
...e as it is extremely popular in Monroe. Closest jazz club is 65 miles away so they assu...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 333, Rule ID: COMMA_THAN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'then'?
Suggestion: then
... give same services as other jazz club, than people will prefer to go to old famous ...
^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...oss and you will lose all your money. Secondly, what make you think that this ...
^^^
Line 5, column 179, Rule ID: FAMOUS_CELEBRITY[1]
Message: Use simply 'celebrities'.
Suggestion: celebrities
... your business? Maybe, last year due to famous celebrities people attend that that festival and ev...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 556, Rule ID: COMMA_THAN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'then'?
Suggestion: then
...’s story. If this turns out to be true, than your business will not able to recover ...
^^^^
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... is used to established this business. Finally, what make you think that jazz f...
^^^
Line 7, column 309, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...lub. So this possibility is capricious. If we consider all this rudimentary then i...
^^
Line 7, column 430, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ness. You may also end up bank corrupt. In conclusion, seeing all above question...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 120, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Still,
...say to give you loan for this business. Still you are audacious for this business; yo...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 359, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...cessful idea than we can think over it.
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, still, then, in conclusion, kind of, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 19.6327345309 107% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 54.0 28.8173652695 187% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1939.0 2260.96107784 86% => OK
No of words: 413.0 441.139720559 94% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.69491525424 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.50803742585 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.35023287294 2.78398813304 84% => OK
Unique words: 184.0 204.123752495 90% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.445520581114 0.468620217663 95% => OK
syllable_count: 591.3 705.55239521 84% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 0.0 8.76447105788 0% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 52.4994553937 57.8364921388 91% => OK
Chars per sentence: 84.3043478261 119.503703932 71% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.9565217391 23.324526521 77% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.82608695652 5.70786347227 85% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 10.0 5.25449101796 190% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.204814694906 0.218282227539 94% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0777512036823 0.0743258471296 105% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.079370728142 0.0701772020484 113% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.15136134981 0.128457276422 118% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.120350319229 0.0628817314937 191% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.6 14.3799401198 67% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 71.14 48.3550499002 147% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 7.6 12.197005988 62% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.63 12.5979740519 76% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 6.85 8.32208582834 82% => OK
difficult_words: 62.0 98.500998004 63% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 7.0 12.3882235529 57% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 7.0 11.9071856287 59% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.