Some people believe that increasing violence in the media is the cause of increasing violence in our society , especially among children. Others believe that children's peer groups and parental role model are a much more powerful influence on children's behavior.
The prompt gives two different views trying to account for the increase in violence in our society especially among children a surge of violence is being noticed some believe that it is due to the media keeping in mind the affect and influence it has on people in general including children,others believe children's peer groups and parental role models are more important factor in keeping them away from violent activities.I personally believe that parents and their children's peer groups are more important when it comes to their upbringing and therefore more important influence than media.I would like to discuss both the views in the following paragraph in details.
According to some people media plays an important role in determining our mindset.The kind of movies we watch ,the kind of TV shows we see and the kind of celebrities we follow influence our thinking and mindset and our thoughts.For example if we watch a lot of action movies or violent crime dramas we start enjoying them as the violence keeps us at the edge of our seat and keeps us hooked and thus makes us more intrested in watching violent activities as they bring a sense of excitement ,this kind of excitement and intrest might affect our minds as we watch more and more of these kinds of movies and may even incite or arouse violence in teenagers or children who get influenced much more easily.
Neverthless ,I am more in support of the point that parents and peer groups are more important influence in children's lives and hold more responsibility when it comes to keeping children away from violent activities.parents are responsible in keeping a check on the kind of media their children consume.it is their job to keep children away from very violent or dark media that might influence their children's brain to get into violent activities.The children's peer groups also share a lot of time together and lot of children to sound smart or cool might watch action movies and ask their peers to do so as well,there might be some children among your child's peers whose parents dont keep a check on the kind of media he or she consumes and what kind of violent activities they engage in or influence others to engage in for example their might be a child who watches a lot of violent action movies and talks to his or her peers about so and asks or recommmends others to watch them as well .Such kinds of kids can be bad influence on other children's minds as well and it is also the parents's responsibility to keep an eye on the kind of peers their children have .
In conclusion I would like to say that though both of the points make sense but I support the second point more as it stands stronger in comparision to the first.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2023-08-19 | Emg_107 | 50 | view |
| 2023-07-12 | Technoblade | 66 | view |
| 2023-05-02 | Payal_2610 | 50 | view |
| 2023-04-22 | keisham | 83 | view |
| 2023-03-29 | aiswaryae | 50 | view |
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 291, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: , others
... on people in general including children,others believe childrens peer groups and paren...
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Line 1, column 425, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: I
...eping them away from violent activities.I personally believe that parents and the...
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Line 1, column 594, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: I
...ore more important influence than media.I would like to discuss both the views in...
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Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...portant role in determining our mindset.The kind of movies we watch ,the kind of TV...
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Line 3, column 110, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... our mindset.The kind of movies we watch ,the kind of TV shows we see and the kind...
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Line 3, column 230, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: For
...r thinking and mindset and our thoughts.For example if we watch a lot of action mov...
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Line 3, column 372, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...iolence keeps us at the edge of our seat and keeps us hooked and thus makes us m...
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Line 3, column 377, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ce keeps us at the edge of our seat and keeps us hooked and thus makes us more i...
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Line 3, column 494, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ties as they bring a sense of excitement ,this kind of excitement and intrest migh...
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Line 5, column 12, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...luenced much more easily. Neverthless ,I am more in support of the point that p...
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Line 5, column 224, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
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...ren away from violent activities.parents are responsible in keeping a check on th...
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Suggestion: The
...ns brain to get into violent activities.The childrens peer groups also share a lot ...
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Line 5, column 614, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: , there
...ies and ask their peers to do so as well,there might be some children among your chil...
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Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... well,there might be some children among your childs peers whose parents dont kee...
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Suggestion: don't
... among your childs peers whose parents dont keep a check on the kind of media he or...
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Line 5, column 994, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...recommmends others to watch them as well .Such kinds of kids can be bad influence ...
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Suggestion: Such
...commmends others to watch them as well .Such kinds of kids can be bad influence on o...
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Line 5, column 1068, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...fluence on other childrens minds as well and it is also the parentss responsibili...
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Line 5, column 1187, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: .
...on the kind of peers their children have . In conclusion I would like to say ...
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Line 8, column 113, Rule ID: COMP_THAN[1]
Message: Comparison requires 'than', not 'then' nor 'as'.
Suggestion: than
...nse but I support the second point more as it stands stronger in comparision to th...
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, may, second, so, therefore, thus, well, for example, in conclusion, in general, kind of
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.5258426966 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.4196629213 72% => OK
Conjunction : 30.0 14.8657303371 202% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 10.0 11.3162921348 88% => OK
Pronoun: 52.0 33.0505617978 157% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 69.0 58.6224719101 118% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 12.9106741573 101% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2242.0 2235.4752809 100% => OK
No of words: 476.0 442.535393258 108% => OK
Chars per words: 4.71008403361 5.05705443957 93% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.67091256922 4.55969084622 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.65694964978 2.79657885939 95% => OK
Unique words: 203.0 215.323595506 94% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.426470588235 0.4932671777 86% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 674.1 704.065955056 96% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59117977528 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 6.24550561798 80% => OK
Article: 4.0 4.99550561798 80% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 3.10617977528 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.77640449438 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.38483146067 46% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 4.0 20.2370786517 20% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 119.0 23.0359550562 517% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 363.010588689 60.3974514979 601% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 560.5 118.986275619 471% => Less chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 119.0 23.4991977007 506% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 27.25 5.21951772744 522% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 20.0 7.80617977528 256% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 1.0 10.2758426966 10% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 5.13820224719 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.83258426966 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.401305748786 0.243740707755 165% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.23486207899 0.0831039109588 283% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.177572268062 0.0758088955206 234% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.23486207899 0.150359130593 156% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.177572268062 0.0667264976115 266% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 60.3 14.1392134831 426% => Automated_readability_index is high.
flesch_reading_ease: -32.39 48.8420337079 -66% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 14.6 7.92365168539 184% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 47.3 12.1743820225 389% => Flesch kincaid grade is high.
coleman_liau_index: 11.22 12.1639044944 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 11.79 8.38706741573 141% => OK
difficult_words: 68.0 100.480337079 68% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 55.0 11.8971910112 462% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 49.6 11.2143820225 442% => Gunning_fog is high.
text_standard: 12.0 11.7820224719 102% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.