The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010
The bar chart reveals information about British people giving money to commendable activity over a 20-year period; it measured in percentages and grouped by range of age.
Overall, the percentage of young and productive people spending their money on charity was not quite as high in the beginning of the period as that in the end of the period, while the proportion of the British people who age 51 and over in 1990 was slower than 20 years letter.
Turning to the British people who classify as a youth generation and productive citizen, they their allowance for charity in 1990 was greater than that in 2010. The percentage of the young people giving money to charity in 2010 was approximately 10% higher than that expenditure in 1990. However, the proportion of expenditure on charity which was spent by productive people aged 26-50 experienced a gradual fall in 2010 by about 8 %.
A closer look at the data of elderly people, they spending their own money on charity in 2010 was less than that in the 20 years before. There was a gradual increase in The percentage of people range 51-65 years old who gave their money to charity, from 35% in 1990 to 40 % in 2010. In any case, 2010 recorded a steady rise in British people who age 65 years old or over to give a charity.
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while the proportion of the British people who age 51 and over in 1990 was slower than 20 years letter.
Description: the proportion ... was slower than 20 years letter???
Sentence: Turning to the British people who classify as a youth generation and productive citizen, they their allowance for charity in 1990 was greater than that in 2010.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a determiner, possessive
Suggestion: Refer to they and their
they spending their own money on charity in 2010 was less than
the spending of their own money on charity in 2010 was less than
Sentence: There was a gradual increase in The percentage of people range 51-65 years old who gave their money to charity, from 35 in 1990 to 40 in 2010.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to people and range
Definitions of range
noun
the area of variation between upper and lower limits on a particular scale.
"the cost is thought to be in the range of $1-5 million a day"
synonyms: span, scope, compass, sweep, extent, area, field, orbit, ambit, horizon, latitude, limits, bounds, confines, parameters; vary, fluctuate, differ, extend, stretch, reach, cover, go, run
a set of different things of the same general type.
"the area offers a wide range of activities for the tourist"
synonyms: assortment, variety, diversity, mixture, collection, array, selection, choice
verb
vary or extend between specified limits.
"patients whose ages ranged from 13 to 25 years"
Sentence: In any case, 2010 recorded a steady rise in British people who age 65 years old or over to give a charity.
Description: The word age is not usually used as a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to age
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 8 10
No. of Words: 228 200
No. of Characters: 1024 1000
No. of Different Words: 103 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.886 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.491 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.5 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 67 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 47 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 25 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 18 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.206 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.527 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.755 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.2 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4