Pirouettes Ballet School is the clear choice for any child. Of all the dance schools in Elmtown, Pirouettes has the most intensive program, and our teachers have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world. Many of our students have gone on to become professional dancers with top dance companies.
The writer concludes that the best school for any child has to be the Pirouettes Ballet School. He got to this conclusion because the school offer an intensive program of all the schools in Ekmtown. He further states that the teachers in the school have danced in most important ballet companies all over the world. Finally, he states that most of their past students hve gone to become professional dancers with influential companies. However his conclusions are based on some fickling informations. So, before the school can be recommended to parents, we need to evaluate the assumtions stated by the writer by answering three questions.
Firstly, the writer assumes that every child would be interested in a ballet school. In other words, he errantly concluded that every child has an interest in dancing. The writer fails to take into considertion that not all children might be engaged in dance, some children intend to go into the corporate world, what businees would they have to do at a dance school? The writer fails to metriciuosly mention who is target audience are, definitely not all parents would buy this idea. Well the writer might have thought about that but failed to carefully mention it in the prompt. Nevertheless, that has to be put into consideration, the number of child in Elmtown interested in dance has to be carefully evaluated. The school might be the best school for a child who loves and ardor dancing but definitely not a go to school for a child who aspire to be a lawyer or a scientist. If this argument hold water then the conclusion of the writer is seriously tempered.
Also, let's assume the writer is directing this purely to kids interested in dancing , but the author fails to give a compelling reason to change a child from a previous dance school that he/she is currently enrolled to Pirouettes. For instance, it could be that the tution fee at Pirouettes could be ridicliously high and most parents would not be able to afford such fee. Indeed, it could ave all the facilities as stated, but what about the expenses can those living in that vicinity afford it. For example, if most parents earn an average of 5000 dollars yearly at Elmtown, and the school fee is stated at 3000 dollars, while other schools is stated at 1000 dollars, common sense tells me most parent would rather take their wards to a school they would be comfortable to pay and not restrict other plans they have. Also, some families have about two to three kids, how then would they be able to afford such amount from what they earn. This needs to be seriously considered, and if it's true then it might affect the conclusion of the writer.
Finally, the writer conclude that because many of their students have gone further to become professional dancers then they should be considered the best. However he fails to take into ccount the number of students that graduate from the schools. If only 5 students graduate then it's possible to easily get a place at a top company through the teachers connect, but when parents starts bringing their ward to the schools and the population increase would it still be feasible for many of its students to gain entrance to top and prestigious companies? If this is considered and truly holds significance, then the conclusion drawn is not solid.
In conclusion, the writer draw his conclusion without putting some factors into consideration, questions such as the interest of the kids at elmtown, inductments that other schools provide which they do not offer, the average salary of most parents there, and the population of students that attends and leave the schools for them to get a position at top dance companies. All of these needs to be carefully evaluated before this argument can be taken into consideration.
- toefl integrated writing 3
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- Pirouettes Ballet School is the clear choice for any child Of all the dance schools in Elmtown Pirouettes has the most intensive program and our teachers have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world Many of our students have gon 78
- Write a statement to agree or disagree People spend more time on personal enjoyment rather than on what they should do 90
- Do you agree or disagree with the following statements People who do many things at a time do few things better Use specific examples to support your arguments 80
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 10 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 13 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 648 350
No. of Characters: 3065 1500
No. of Different Words: 257 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.045 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.73 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.535 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 215 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 147 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 97 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 61 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.923 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.627 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.769 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.297 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.478 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.143 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 437, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...nal dancers with influential companies. However his conclusions are based on some fickl...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 881, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...o aspire to be a lawyer or a scientist. If this argument hold water then the concl...
^^
Line 5, column 84, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...his purely to kids interested in dancing , but the author fails to give a compelli...
^^
Line 7, column 156, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...hen they should be considered the best. However he fails to take into ccount the number...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, however, if, nevertheless, so, still, then, well, while, as to, for example, for instance, in conclusion, such as, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 20.0 12.9520958084 154% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 56.0 28.8173652695 194% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 88.0 55.5748502994 158% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3135.0 2260.96107784 139% => OK
No of words: 647.0 441.139720559 147% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.84544049459 5.12650576532 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.04343084457 4.56307096286 111% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.62596421568 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 274.0 204.123752495 134% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.423493044822 0.468620217663 90% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 939.6 705.55239521 133% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 6.0 1.67365269461 358% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 19.7664670659 132% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 77.5625439555 57.8364921388 134% => OK
Chars per sentence: 120.576923077 119.503703932 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.8846153846 23.324526521 107% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.34615384615 5.70786347227 111% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.303459219312 0.218282227539 139% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0945370850915 0.0743258471296 127% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.100945822772 0.0701772020484 144% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.19670171536 0.128457276422 153% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0924145052735 0.0628817314937 147% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.9 14.3799401198 97% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 55.58 48.3550499002 115% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.15 12.5979740519 89% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.71 8.32208582834 93% => OK
difficult_words: 118.0 98.500998004 120% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.