The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava.
"The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
While it may be true that students’ enrollments in public school in Calatrava city will decrease in ten years due to declined birthrate; however, the author does not make a cogent case. It is understandable that public schools may not need the same budget for the future, but the author needs verifiable evidences to prove his/her recommendation.
First of all, the author mentions that the birthrate in Calatrava city has decreased to half last year compare to five years ago, but the arguer does not give any information about statistic. The total number of young women populations could be decreased during last five years which can be the reason for declined birthrate. However, the author cannot predict if the same decline rate is going to continue in the future. There is possibility that other families who have school-age children will migrate to Calatrava city during next few years which is going to increase student’s registration. Thus, the arguer cannot predict the dramatic decrease of students’ enrollment in next decade.
In addition, the author claims that public schools will not need the same budget as today because the number of students will decline in next ten years, but this prediction is not logical because the arguer does not provide enough evidences for it. Surely, there are many changes during next ten years which are worthen to be counted. Even with dramatic decrease of students’ admissions, the same budget may be required for public schools in the future. Classrooms will eventually get old in ten years, so the budget will be necessary to fix classrooms. Moreover, laboratory instruments and computers may need to be renewed in the future which require the budget.
Last but not least, the arguer does not bring evidences to prove if adult population is going to increase in the city. Many families who are adult may move to other cities in the future, so the author cannot guarantee to spend money for adult facilities and programs. To strength his/her recommendation, the author needs to investigate about age and gender of the city population every year.
The author can make his/her suggestion persuasive when he/she gathers information about age, gender, and total population of the city every year, and the budget requirements for public schools. After answering these questions, the arguer can make such a conclusion.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 391 350
No. of Characters: 1928 1500
No. of Different Words: 171 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.447 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.931 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.577 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 138 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 91 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.029 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.647 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.365 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.365 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.14 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, however, if, may, moreover, so, then, thus, while, as to, in addition, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 21.0 12.9520958084 162% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 18.0 28.8173652695 62% => OK
Preposition: 44.0 55.5748502994 79% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1988.0 2260.96107784 88% => OK
No of words: 387.0 441.139720559 88% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.13695090439 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.43534841618 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.70980964741 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 176.0 204.123752495 86% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.454780361757 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 614.7 705.55239521 87% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 46.4118765376 57.8364921388 80% => OK
Chars per sentence: 116.941176471 119.503703932 98% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.7647058824 23.324526521 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.58823529412 5.70786347227 98% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.25449101796 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.27955156544 0.218282227539 128% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0969938027912 0.0743258471296 130% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0795010061667 0.0701772020484 113% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.165365638456 0.128457276422 129% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0828433609196 0.0628817314937 132% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.2 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.83 12.5979740519 102% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.2 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 85.0 98.500998004 86% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.