A letter means for statement of purpose for your study abroad Do you agree or not agree

Essay topics:

A letter means for statement of purpose for your study abroad. Do you agree or not agree?

First of all, I would like to express my thanks for your time and consideration of my student visa application. My name is Viet Ha Bui, born in February 1999 and grew up in Thanh Hoa City, Vietnam. I graduated high school with a sound result in 2017. My goal is to study nursing abroad. With my current academic background, I have been accepted to study at Fanshawe College with the following study plan:
+ PHS2 - Pre-Health Sciences Pathway to Advanced Diplomas and Degrees
+ PNG5 - Practical Nursing
Start Date: September 08, 2020; End Date: April 30, 2024
I choose Nursing as my future career
I had always wished to study abroad with the hope that it would bring me a wealth of experience and knowledge. However, I was not particularly interested in any area. After high school graduation, while self-studying the English language for the Ielts exam, I went back and forth in some area by working part-time at companies. There, I had the opportunity of meeting many people from different backgrounds with diverse thoughts and ideas. I love listening to them as well as helping people in finding the solution to their problems, and also taking care of both my co-workers and customers. Then I came home and accompanied my mother, a well-experienced and admirable doctor, to her now owning medical clinic for one year and realized that my passion is helping people, especially with their well-being. So I know then that nursing is the career that suits best with what I intended to do. It’s a career that helps you save lives, bring happiness to individuals, and comfort to those in need.
Moreover, my parents who are both doctors have taught me the importance of nurses in the healthcare system of every nation. It is a well-respected job and always in high demand. Personally I believe that it would be a privilege to be able to perform such a highly specialized set of healthcare skills not only in working environments such as hospitals and clinics but also in my daily life to help my family and friends.
I choose Canada to be my destination
Canada is an ideal place for higher education studies, according to many of my friends and acquaintances. After some careful research, I have too decided that Canada is the most suitable place for me to fulfill my dream of studying abroad. It covers all ingredients to help me achieve what I have planned for my future career: excellent academic training, the safe and diverse environment and a friendly cultural life.
Fanshawe is the school that I want to attend and implement my study plan
Fanshawe College is located in a beautiful and safe city, London, with an affordable living cost in comparison with many other Canadian cities. London is also known as the Forest City with numerous treed areas and public parks providing a green and clean environment that I surely will enjoy living in.
Furthermore, Fanshawe is one of Ontario’s largest colleges with four campuses, they offer degree, diploma, certificate and apprenticeship programs to 43,000 students each year, helping people unlock their potential and achieve success in a variety of disciplines. I believe that courses here will help me establish my goal as well.
In The Pre-Health Sciences Pathway to Advanced Diplomas and Degrees program, I will be well prepared with subject areas relevant to my chosen health career program, which is Practical Nursing. I expect myself to successfully complete this program with a high GPA so as to be eligible for admission consideration in the immediately following academic year to the Practical Nursing program.
If so, for the next 2 years, I will be enrolled in the Practical Nursing program, in which I will be learning about anatomy, nutrition and pharmacology, as well as how to work as an autonomous and collaborative partner with clients and other health care providers, and to do so effectively within the practical nurses' professional role and scope of practice. This is what I am always curious for and fascinated to acquire in an academic environment.
During and after my study duration
With the clear and legitimate study purpose, my parents agree with my study in Canada and will pay for all arising expenses of my courses. They know that courses in Canada are in high quality and that they are making a worthy investment decision. In Vietnam, as the population is aging, health problems keep posing and deadly viruses keep spreading, so more health services are needed to handle those. Qualified nursing has strong growth potential and will be in demand for years to come. After finishing my study in Canada, I will come back to help my parents with their clinic or apply to work in international hospitals here in Vietnam. With the knowledge obtained from an oversea professional degree, I hope to build a meaningful career by helping people improve their well-being.
I would highly appreciate it if you could consider and create favorable conditions for me to work towards my goal. Could you please assess and issue a visa for me soon so that I can enroll in programs at Fanshawe College timely. Thank you for your consideration.

Votes
Average: 5.6 (1 vote)
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Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 10, Rule ID: AFFORD_VBG[1]
Message: This verb is used with infinitive: 'to nurse'.
Suggestion: To nurse
...020; End Date: April 30, 2024 I choose Nursing as my future career I had always wishe...
^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 263, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...y complete this program with a high GPA so as to be eligible for admission consideration...
^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, however, if, moreover, so, then, well, while, as to, such as, as well as, first of all

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 30.0 13.1623246493 228% => Less to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 7.85571142285 204% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 41.0 10.4138276553 394% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 16.0 7.30460921844 219% => Less relative clauses wanted (maybe 'which' is over used).
Pronoun: 101.0 24.0651302605 420% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 111.0 41.998997996 264% => Less preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 18.0 8.3376753507 216% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 4269.0 1615.20841683 264% => Less number of characters wanted.
No of words: 864.0 315.596192385 274% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.94097222222 5.12529762239 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.42161202166 4.20363070211 129% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.82594340266 2.80592935109 101% => OK
Unique words: 419.0 176.041082164 238% => Less unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.484953703704 0.561755894193 86% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1317.6 506.74238477 260% => syllable counts are too long.
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.60771543086 93% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 28.0 5.43587174349 515% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 2.0 2.52805611222 79% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.10420841683 333% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 0.809619238477 371% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 13.0 4.76152304609 273% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 35.0 16.0721442886 218% => Too many sentences.
Sentence length: 24.0 20.2975951904 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 83.0780994742 49.4020404114 168% => OK
Chars per sentence: 121.971428571 106.682146367 114% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.6857142857 20.7667163134 119% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.34285714286 7.06120827912 47% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 17.0 4.38176352705 388% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 2.0 5.01903807615 40% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 29.0 8.67935871743 334% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.9879759519 75% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 3.4128256513 88% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.155898447721 0.244688304435 64% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0490708613691 0.084324248473 58% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0613892679732 0.0667982634062 92% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0505794468897 0.151304729494 33% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.059347537571 0.056905535591 104% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.2 13.0946893788 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 55.58 50.2224549098 111% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.44779559118 118% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 11.3001002004 102% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.67 12.4159519038 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.61 8.58950901804 100% => OK
difficult_words: 207.0 78.4519038076 264% => Less difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 9.78957915832 107% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 10.1190380762 115% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.7795591182 111% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------
Maximum five paragraphs wanted.

Rates: 56.1797752809 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.