The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
This application for a business loan to start the C-Note in Monroe commendable and it seeks to bring jazz entertainment to residents of Monroe. The recommendation is however based on the presumption that jazz is popular in Monroe and by extension that the residents like jazz. To evaluate the credulity of this argument, this group of developers need to provide certain evidences to back their claims. Inability to do so renders the argument void.
The argument assumes that residents are willing to 65 miles to attend the closest club. But it is required to know how many current residents are actually interested in a jazz. This would give an estimate of possible market size. If only few residents, say 20, are ardent fans of jazz, the market size is too small and the club purpose of the club would not be achieved. This can be achieved via a detailed, well monitored survey on the residents of Monroe
The last bases the argument on a national study. Another evidence to be provided is what proportion of the estimated annual $1,000 pending on jazz is attributed to Monroe city. This would further consolidate the claim that residents of Monroe are interested in jazz. For example, if $900 dollars is attributed to Monroe city it implies that residents of are indeed fans of jazz as such the establishment of the club would be a welcomed development; it also presages the success of the business.
The arguments claim that jazz is popular in Monroe because there are several well-known jazz musicians. The group is required to provide the number, names and prominence of these “well-known” musicians. The fact the musicians reside in Monroe does not translate to the interest of the residents in jazz music. Knowing the names and prominence of musician would be instrumental to knowing if the musicians would be interested in the jazz club and if their prominence is sufficient to draw club attendees.
In conclusion, this argument by the group must be subjected to further evaluation. Evidence that support their claims of the interest of residents in jazz must be provided before the loan for a new jazz club can be approved.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.6 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 362 350
No. of Characters: 1736 1500
No. of Different Words: 160 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.362 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.796 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.736 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 122 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 100 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 75 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.053 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.036 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.421 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.337 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.547 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.081 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 124, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... what proportion of the estimated annual ,000 pending on jazz is attributed to Mon...
^^
Line 5, column 462, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...a welcomed development; it also presages the success of the business. The argu...
^^
Line 7, column 204, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...inence of these “well-known” musicians. The fact the musicians reside in Monroe doe...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, however, if, so, well, for example, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 19.6327345309 127% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1785.0 2260.96107784 79% => OK
No of words: 362.0 441.139720559 82% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.93093922652 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.36191444098 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.84492970774 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 165.0 204.123752495 81% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.455801104972 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 556.2 705.55239521 79% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 43.3797827975 57.8364921388 75% => OK
Chars per sentence: 99.1666666667 119.503703932 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.1111111111 23.324526521 86% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.88888888889 5.70786347227 68% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.367240077975 0.218282227539 168% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.124667954901 0.0743258471296 168% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0667730107475 0.0701772020484 95% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.225910084835 0.128457276422 176% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0222220429947 0.0628817314937 35% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.8 14.3799401198 82% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 48.3550499002 123% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.31 12.5979740519 90% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.07 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 79.0 98.500998004 80% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.