The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava.
"The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author, in making argument, recommends for the allocation of funds to the city facilities that are mostly enjoyed by the adults as, the last years’ birthrate of the city was declined drastically compared to the last five years’ birthrate. The argument seems more involved than it appears at the first glance since author is assuming that the number of students enrolled in the public schools might decline without presuming that the students doesn’t have to be from the same place to attend the public school. Also, the author jumps to the conclusion that the school budget can be decreased together with the fund for athletics and recreational activities. However, the author could have presented the gross students enrollment in the public school together with their birthplace and the data of the birthrate of the consecutive years of the city.
Firstly, the author poorly limns the correlation between the decrease of the birthrate and the decrease in the number of students in the school while, implicitly suggesting that the public school is attended by the local students. Perhaps, it would be in the interest of the people to know the birthrate of the last five years so they can actually believe that there is a decrease in the birthrate. Perhaps, it might be coincident that the last years’ many young couples weren’t planning to give birth to the children. It is also possible that this coming year, there can be increase in the number of child rate. So, author should provide the scientific data from the reliable source of decrement of birthday to strengthen the argument.
Secondly, the author assumes the future based on the last year’s child rate which might actually turn out differently in the next year. There is an assumption that cutting the school budget and investing it to the adults-facilities can be the best approach to the fund. Perhaps, it is possible that the adults can be less in number rather than the children. Also, there is possibility that the students considering this recommendation might want the valid data and survey related to the dislocation of the funds. Therefore, if these scenarios hold true, then, the argument seems flawed.
In conclusion, author should have organized the survey with the application of statistics to validate the argument. The argument is flawed as it lacks the potential evidence to justify the substantiation of the argument. In order, to make valid argument, the author should provide additional information such as the number of student enrollment in the public school, agreement by the people on the deduction of the schools’ fund to utilize in the adults’ favor.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 439 350
No. of Characters: 2156 1500
No. of Different Words: 187 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.577 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.911 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.657 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 160 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 110 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 88 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.824 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.913 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.706 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.367 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.532 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.097 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 61, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'years'' or 'year's'?
Suggestion: years'; year's
...in our city is declining: in fact, last years birthrate was only one-half that of fiv...
^^^^^
Line 2, column 118, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
...s only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our ...
^^^^
Line 4, column 712, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'students'' or 'student's'?
Suggestion: students'; student's
...e author could have presented the gross students enrollment in the public school togethe...
^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 317, Rule ID: ADJECTIVE_IN_ATTRIBUTE[1]
Message: A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
Suggestion: less
..., it is possible that the adults can be less in number rather than the children. Also, there i...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, first, firstly, however, if, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, thus, while, in conclusion, in fact, such as, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.6327345309 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 20.0 12.9520958084 154% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 31.0 28.8173652695 108% => OK
Preposition: 82.0 55.5748502994 148% => OK
Nominalization: 29.0 16.3942115768 177% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2943.0 2260.96107784 130% => OK
No of words: 576.0 441.139720559 131% => OK
Chars per words: 5.109375 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.89897948557 4.56307096286 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.79782641243 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 253.0 204.123752495 124% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.439236111111 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 891.0 705.55239521 126% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 26.0 22.8473053892 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 67.8236653888 57.8364921388 117% => OK
Chars per sentence: 133.772727273 119.503703932 112% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.1818181818 23.324526521 112% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.40909090909 5.70786347227 112% => OK
Paragraphs: 7.0 5.15768463074 136% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.387251461866 0.218282227539 177% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.125507314839 0.0743258471296 169% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.163801856253 0.0701772020484 233% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.216837743356 0.128457276422 169% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.180714812193 0.0628817314937 287% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.7 14.3799401198 109% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 53.55 48.3550499002 111% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.65 12.5979740519 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.41 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 127.0 98.500998004 129% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.1389221557 111% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.