The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava.
"The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase."
In the recommendation, the author argues that the city of Calatrava should curtail the funds for education, athletic playing fields, and other recreational facilities to have sufficient muny to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults. He substantiates his argument using the assumptions that the birthrate declining will last in the long run and that the decline of the birthrate is directly correlated with the decrease of the number of students enrolled in the public school. The argument seems convincing at first glance; however, the lack of evidence leads readers to conclude that the argument is not persuasive on many grounds.
To begin with, the author should provide more solid evidence that the declination of the birthrate of the city will last in the long term. As evinced in the letter, it is true that the last year's birthrate was one-half that of five years ago. However, this fact does not guarantee that the decreasing tendency will continue in the future. It is, for example, plausible that the last year decrease is just an aberration to the overall increasing tendency, possibly due to an adverse economy. Therefore the author should provide more information on whether the birthrate will decline during the next decade.
In addition, more concrete pieces of evidence are needed on whether the decrease of the birthrate will cause the number of the students to decrease. This is because there are other possible scenarios regarding the number of the students. For example, there might be some prominent private schools whose students come from other cities. If this is the case, the decrease of the birthrate does not necessarily yield the decrease of the number of the students. Therefore, the author should supplement his argument with more evidence on the correlation between the number of the students and the birthrate.
Finally, the author should supplement his argument with more cogent evidence that the adults of the city will not be disgruntled by reducing the fund for the recreational facilities. In all likelihood, the adults will also prefer to use playing fields and recreational facilities, for example, by playing football or basketball. In this case, a substantial portion of the adults will dissent from reducing funds for those facilities. Therefore, more information on the validation of reducing the funds for those facilities is required.
In brief, the author's argument is not convincing due to the aformentioned reasons. In order to strengthen his argument, the author should provide more evidence that the birthrate will decline during the next decade, that the decline of the birthrate will necessarily cause the decline of the number of the students, and that the adults will not go against with reducing the funds for the recreational facilities.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 453 350
No. of Characters: 2316 1500
No. of Different Words: 175 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.613 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.113 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.713 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 180 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 139 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 105 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 59 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.842 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.184 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.789 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.381 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.381 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.149 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 190, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'years'' or 'year's'?
Suggestion: years'; year's
...in the letter, it is true that the last years birthrate was one-half that of five yea...
^^^^^
Line 2, column 491, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Therefore,
...cy, possibly due to an adverse economy. Therefore the author should provide more informat...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 15, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
... facilities is required. In brief, the authors argument is not convincing due to the a...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, however, if, regarding, so, then, therefore, for example, in addition, in brief, it is true, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 64.0 55.5748502994 115% => OK
Nominalization: 25.0 16.3942115768 152% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2368.0 2260.96107784 105% => OK
No of words: 453.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 5.22737306843 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61343653406 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.80015266249 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 181.0 204.123752495 89% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.399558498896 0.468620217663 85% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 734.4 705.55239521 104% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 62.9790889976 57.8364921388 109% => OK
Chars per sentence: 124.631578947 119.503703932 104% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.8421052632 23.324526521 102% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.73684210526 5.70786347227 118% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.238882893539 0.218282227539 109% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0835654681173 0.0743258471296 112% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.096257922056 0.0701772020484 137% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.146835624407 0.128457276422 114% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.085958078384 0.0628817314937 137% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.1 14.3799401198 105% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.35 12.5979740519 106% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.09 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 95.0 98.500998004 96% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 20.0 12.3882235529 161% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.